Re: I Never Thought This Would Happen
From: Donna B (email@example.com)
Sat Sep 5 15:22:34 2009
Alta, darling, I am so sorry. Even when you are feeling your worst, you
have provided comfort and support for so many here. My husband will
talk to me about the burden of having a spouse in pain, only if I ask. I
have learned to ask more often and to let him vent his frustrations. We
are both angry, not at each other, but at the adhesions. What he has to
say is not easy to hear, but I put myself in his position and can be
compassionate. So many people bear the burden of feel inadequate
because they love us and can do nothing to help us feel better. Even my
closest, dearest friends get frustrated and ask me, "Isn't there
ANYTHING you should be doing to feel better?". Can't fix it, blame the
sick person. It is normal human reaction.
Unfortuantely, it is our responsibility to care for our caregivers
emotional health. Nobody else is going to step in and care for them. I
tell my husband often how much I appreciate the things he does to care
for our family. I tell him often how his love makes the pain bearable.
I have the worlds best husband, and he still doesn't get it - doesnt'
understand what my world is like - and asks me, every day, "feeling
better, yet?". I tell him that no miracles have occured since he asked
I vent to my girlfirends until they have had enough, then I turn to this
You are in my thoughts and prayers. Love yourself and yor husband
through this difficult time. He is hurting so much that he lashed out
at you. Now he will feel terrible about it. It is so hard to balance
marriage, family and pain.
My last husband left me for a "younger, healthier" woman so he could
have babies with her and "start over, again, only do it right this
time." He also petitioned the courts for full custody of our son, as he
felt I was uable to care for him. He won. As difficult as it was, and
as long as it took me to re-build my life, I am so grateful to him for
leaving and getting the hell out of my life! My son is grown now, we are
just fine. I learned how strong I really was, got my life in order, met
and married my hubby and have been living happily, painfully, ever
REACH OUT AND GET THE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT THAT YOU NEED TO SUPPORT YOUR
MARRIAGE THE BEST YOU CAN! Talk to your Doctor, Pastor, Friends, a
counselor. When you are supported, you will be able to handle your
husbands pain and frustration (and inappropriate critisisms!)
Thinking of you, Donna B
At Tue, 1 Sep 2009, Alta wrote:
>Today is a very low day for me. The toll of adhesions and what it has
>done to my life has taken a toll on my husband and marriage. Once again
>he belittled me because I am sick. He yelled at me for seeing the
>doctor, taking medication and moving very slowly. He tells me I am a
>bad mother because I don't move around as much as a normal person. He
>is threatening to take my daughter away from me. He is also mad because
>I cannot function as a normal woman. He tells me I am better off
>leaving him and our daughter so I don't bring him down anymore.
>You may ask why I stay with him? I haven't worked in over 8 years and I
>have no money. He also has the medical insurance and will cut me off. I
>don't know what to do anymore.
>I do not abuse my meds. I take them as written. Most of the time I do
>more than I should. I try to make my husband happy.
>I'm sorry to be such a downer. I just don't know who else to vent this
>All my best to everyone.