I just don't want to live like this anymore.

From: IAS Admin (tracy.joslin@adhesions.org)
Mon Mar 24 18:55:13 2008

From: adhesions@adhesions.org [mailto:adhesions@adhesions.org] On Behalf Of Jeanette Chamberlain Sent: Tuesday, March 04, 2008 9:57 AM Subject: I just don't want to live like this anymore.

I have been dealing with adhesions since 2002 when I had my Endometriosis removed through laparoscopic surgery. I have since had a full hysterectomy and four more Laparoscopys to deal with the adhesion problems. I am currently able to deal with the pain because of a careful balance of medicines including gapabentin and morphine sulfate. Now to the problems.   I have extremely painful bowel movements/BMs (sorry for the bluntness but how else can one describe it) I am grateful that I even have bowel movements as this means that I am not completely obstructed. I suspect that I am partially obstructed because of the pain I experience in two distinct places on my intestines when I am experiencing increased bowel motility. I take a stool softener and metamucil every day but it does not prevent the painful evacuations. I take miralax when I have gone more than two days without a BM. I used to eat a lot of meat but these days I mostly eat cereal and easily digested food because I get so nauseated if I eat much else. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I might do to stop the BMs from being so painful? I am at the point where I live in dread of having a BM.   I wake up in the morning nauseated. I take generic Reglan twice a day to fight the nausea. After the nausea subsides a little I eat a bowl of cereal sometimes fortified with some nuts. There is a small window of opportunity between 11:00 AM and 3:00 PM where I can eat normally without getting sick to my stomach. I usually can't eat anything after 4:00 PM or I get very nauseous which means that I can't eat dinner with my family. Even if I don't eat anything after 4:00 PM I still become from mildly to extremely nauseous in the evenings. I discovered that I absolutely can not eat or drink certain things anymore. I have never been a big drinker but if I even drink a little bit of alcohol I really suffer for it with acute nausea. (I obviously don't drink alcohol anymore and it really is no loss) I also have been experiencing headaches that coincide with the nausea. Has anyone else experienced a situation like this?     I suspect that I might have fibromialgia as I ache all over most of the time and my legs get weak. They have almost given out from under me a couple of times. I need to go see my doctor but I currently don't have medical insurance so we can't afford it. I am supposed to be going to a pain therapist but I haven't been going for the same reason. I have applied for MassHealth but have been denied because they said I didn't submit the information they requested but I did send it in to them! I need to call them and straighten it all out but I have been so depressed about everything that I haven't done it yet.   I have obtained an adhesion lawyer who has submitted my disability case to SS. Fortunately, they only receive payment if I win and then the money will come out of the back disability I would receive. I hate the thought of being on disability. I feel so worthless...a burden to not only my country but to my family. I just don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. Some days I just want to curl up in a ball, go to sleep and just not wake up.   I just can't do this anymore.

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