I Just Can't Take It Anymore !!!!!!!

From: Diane (Dizzdee9@aol.com)
Sat May 22 19:31:33 2004

Hi, I just came upon this websight and I Thank God there are people out there who know how I feel. I am 35 years old and I ahve been going throught this crap since I was 18. My medical file is as thick as a telephone book. I have had numerous surgeries. I have had numerous ovarian cysts removed, and was diagnosed with severe endometriosis. I was put on the shot Depot Lupron for 6 months, which medically induces you into menopause at the age of 21. My pain was so severe my husband would have to carry me. The pain was excrutiating. I was told it would be extremely difficult for me to have children. My doctor told me my adhesions were the worst he had ever seen. All of my insides were one big ball and he had to separate everything. By the grace of God, I gave birth to 2 beautiful sons. Ironically enough, my first son was born on Christmas Day. I would usually have to go in for surgery every 6 months for scar tissue removal. I had a partial hysterectomy after my second son was born. Not even a year later the pain came back. After more surgeries, I decided to get a total hysterectomy. I came through fine, except I had to go through menopause again. After my surgery my doctor died. I would never see anyone but him, let alone have someone else operate on me. I had no choice after 2 years my pain was too bad to cope with. I had the surgery a year ago. Not only did I have a mess of adhesions there was a small piece of ovary in there as well. So, I am going through menopause a third time. Imagine that, I think I am the only woman who has gone through menopause 3 times. Now, a year later the pain is back with a vengence and I am more nauseous than I ever was. I am so angry, and depressed that I have to go through this again. I am tired of my husband looking at me like, what is wrong now. I feel bad for him and my kids. This is not how my life was supposed to be. It is not fair. That just to cook dinner I have to be bent over because it hurts too much to stand up straight. I feel like I have to throw up 24 hours a day. God forbid I sneeze, that is the worst pain of all. So, now what do I do? Do I go back in for surgery, so I can go 10 months pain free? I don't know what to do. I want to be able to live a normal, active life. I want to play and run with my kids, I want a normal life with my husband. But, most of all, I want to be pain free. No one I know has been through what I have been through. There is not one person I know who can even remotely feel and know what I have to do to get through the day. I am just so tired of it all. Will it ever stop and just go away? Thanks for letting me share.


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