A little more venting

From: K Nygren (ifirgit@yahoo.com)
Mon Dec 23 00:33:23 2002


Thank you to all for your kind words and allowing me to vent. Chrissie, my heart goes out to you! I am so thankful that the cancer was caught early. My mom was diagnosed this summer and is just finishing up on her radiation treatments. Fortunately she, too, caught her's early and does not need to undergo chemo. Her going through this has spurred me into action as well. I have had a lump for a number of years now. Originally I had a mammogram and was told just to get another one every six months. When nothing new came up time after time, I stopped getting it done. About two or three years ago this lump developed like a blood blister on the skin's surface above it. The blister would burst and after a couple weeks of this repetitive cycle it would go away only to return six months later. The last year or so the the blister has not gone away. It just continues to go through the same cycle, but now it just stays. Late last spring I showed it to my physician. He didn't seem overly concerned, but scheduled me for an appointment with the surgeon for him to look at it. Unfortunately, the appointment was first scheduled for the same time when my knew kidney problems began and I would wind up in the hospital and miss my appointment. After rescheduling it three times I gave up. Now that my mom is winding down on her radiation I really feel that I should have it looked at. On Friday I called a surgeon's office and was scheduled for an appointment on the 30th. I know that God is watching over me on this, just as he is watching over Chrissie. I am not about to stress over this. I have enough things to worry about. Okay, once again I need for you all to be my sounding board. I absolutely MUST apologize to Chrissie for what I am about to say and hope she understands that I am not minimizing anything that she is going through. I believe that you WILL understand what I am saying, Chrissie, and won't take offense to what I say, but I had to let you know that I do not intend to be critical towards you in any way. As I mentioned a while back, I have moved in with my mom and my stepdad. This was done to help both of us. My mom is an insulin-dependent diabetic and as I mentioned above is just finishing her radiation treatment for breast cancer. My problem is that everywhere we go, my mom feels the need to tell everyone all of the details of her problems. Even before the cancer diagnosis, she would always tell everyone that she couldn't do this or that because she was a diabetic. Every week at church she would go into an insulin reaction because she wouldn't have eaten. Well, after making the same mistake twice, don't you think that she would learn to eat beforehand? But no, the reactions continue and she has everybody running to get a piece of candy or something for her. I would also think that she would learn to carry something with her so that she could just pop it in her mouth without telling everyone. Now that she has the breast cancer, everyone has to hear about all of the details. I love my mother dearly, but I learned long ago that even though people ask you how you are doing, they don't really want to know the truth. "Fine" is my pat answer. I guess I could learn to live with it, if my mom didn't continue to use the problems as excuses for not cleaning. My mom is a slob. She has been that way at least since my parents were divorced....which was after I was 21. She had gotten so bad that none of us kids would go to her house. If we did, she would come to the door and come out side....blocking the entrance way so we couldn't get in and pulling the door behind her so we couldn't see in. After a while, my sister and brother sat down with her and told her she HAD to clean up her act or they would place her in a home. It may have gotten a bit better, but it wasn't until she became engaged and knew that her new husband would be moving in that she began to do something. I thought she would have it done before he moved in, but I have since learned that he jus t accepted it and worked extremely hard trying to clean it himself....despite the fact that he is crippled from polio. Before I moved in, we ripped out carpeting, cleaned and painted walls and made things a little bit more acceptable. That was this summer. When I moved in, things had begun to look bad again. I got the kitchen and living room straightened really nice and kept it clean. My mom kept saying how she wanted to have the whole family out for Christmas this year and I kept telling her that we had to get going on cleaning the house up so that it was done before I left on my trip, but I couldn't do it myself. When I left she announced that she wasn't going to host Christmas because she couldn't clean the house.....because of her radiation. (She couldn't clean it BEFORE she had cancer or before she was a diabetic.) I came home thinking that one of my other siblings would be hosting, but quickly learned that my mom was still intending to host Christmas Eve. I walked in to the house believing that it would be much cleaner in preparation for the party, but I just about exploded to find it in worse shape than when I left. I don't think she put anything away in the three weeks I was gone. Fortunately, my sister has a young boy whom she adopted this past summer. He has some emotional issues that they have been working on all this time, but lately he has done some really bad things that have required him to be disciplined severely. (They are being advised by his lifetime counselors on how to handle this.) To get him out of my sister's hair for a bit he has come out here to stay. Every day he is to help clean. Because of him, we have been able to get this house back in shape. He has scrubbed all of the walls, floors, you name it. Things that hadn't been done in years, but things that my mom had kept saying only she could do it. While the two of us are working on all of this, my mom lays around not doing anything. All I ever hear is how tired she is and how because of her radiation treatment she can't clean her house. What was her excuse before? She'll tell me that she knows I can't do it either, but then sits and watches as I do it. She has been telling me for the past three days that she would clean off the kitchen cupboards. We have done all of the scrubbing and cleaning, cleaned the garage, cleaned out the inside of the cupboards, yet tops of her cupboards are still covered with crap. I am SO frustrated I could scream. This afternoon I had to leave because she is down everyone's throat. I even told her how upset I was when I came home and saw just how bad things were. She says she understands and that she would be too, yet nothing changes. I haven't slept since I got home on Thursday, because I am so upset. I asked her tonight just who she thought was going to clean the house if Jason hadn't gotten in trouble and been sent out here to help. I didn't wait around for an answer. When I came home I got the silent treatment. I laid down on the couch and finally dozed off only to be woken so that she could ask me where the remote was....even though it was in the basket where it was supposed to be. I know that I shouldn't be complaining about this. She is going through a lot, but I am so sick and tired of hearing about it and sick of her using it as an excuse not to do a damn thing. I hope someone can sense my frustration. I am feeling like I went from the frying pan right into the fire. I can't go back because it is no better. Am I justified? I worry that I am only thinking of myself and I try and hold all of this in, but I think I am making my condition worse by doing so. Please, I am seeking advise on this. Love,

Karla

**Soaring with my angel**

http://www.geocities.com/karlasfamily2001 http://www.geocities.com/princessd82000/BraydensHaven


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