re To Sally

From: KathFindlay (
Tue Aug 21 17:00:09 2001

Dear Sally, I read your letter to Diane, where you said that you are incredibly depressed right now. Also when you said about being strong enough to make a successful business brought tears to my eyes. I truly hope that your surgery was successful and you don't end up like me. I married my husband one week after my 18th birthday and spent 30 years building a home for my husband and family, when they finally arrived (my medical history is on the quilt) and supported my husband in his career. He never wanted me to work although it was ok for me to do various voluntary work over the years. I taught summer school and ran craft classes for children on a Saturday morning. I also worked for the YWCA. I never had any money of my own and always longed for some independence.

12 years ago we bought a beautiful Victorian Mansion set in an acre of beautiful gardens. It was everything I had dreamed of with 10 bedrooms 3 large reception rooms with bay windows, marble fire places and beautiful cornice work. It had a large kitchen with mahogany cupboards and dark green tiles on the counters trimmed with wood. I remember the day we moved in like it was yesterday, climbing the sweeping staircase looking up to the huge stain glass window on the upper landing.

My husband worked in the oil industry and was away a lot on business, so I decided to turn the mansion into an exclusive Guest House. I refurbished the house from top to bottom, having a different theme in every room all with period furnishings. The bridal room had a beautiful carved mahogany four poster with cream silk embroidered quilt and drapes that I had specially made in Hong Kong. Each room had an open fire set in a marble surround.

I made all the soft furnishings for the Guesthouse myself, I filled every room with love and warmth, it was such a happy place, filled with people from all over the world who came back year after year saying how much they felt at home. We were always entertaining. I wanted to live there forever.

I was so happy then. I had worked so hard to get to this position and I was proud of what I had achieved. Nothing I had ever done in the past had gained any recognition. We had the S.T.B Deluxe qualification the AA Premier Selection and the Certificate of Excellence.(The judges come in cognito and stay over night)

During this time I also went back to collage and gained a national award for passing 9 modules, 26 exams in all. They ranged from financial record keeping, information technology, health & safety legislation, communications, marketing and a language They took 1/12 years to complete. I chaired two hotel groups one for our area Hotels and for the whole of Scotland. I was travelling here there and everywhere going to conferences and holding seminars. I also went to the Gym twice a week and now it is all gone.

Nowadays, I don't want to get up in the morning what's the point. I have lost my home and business that I loved I am 80% disabled. My friends have all drifted away. My husband who had to give up his career to look after me does everything in the house,the cooking, shopping, the cleaning in fact I am useless now. Sometimes I don't go out the house for weeks. He doesn't say anything but I know he cant be bothered humping my wheelchair in and out of the car. I don't know if I can carry on much longer like this, as long as I sit on the couch the Fentanyl keeps the pain at bay but as soon as I move or bend back comes the pain.

When I read your letter this morning It hit me that this disorder has taken away my life. I don't deserve this I am a good person. I have always done everything I can to help other people. Maybe I was bad in my last life. I am scared that there is no way forward for me now.

It's quite laughable that Drs think all of this is in our heads. They really believe that or that we have IBS. When you think about it, it's partly their fault, If they were more careful, or even warned us about adhesions we would probably not have had so many surgeries and we might not be sitting here wondering if we would be better of dead than having to live like this.

I truly believe that they think we are just little housewife's sitting at home craving some attention, they have no Idea the devastation they leave behind. Lost jobs, homes, finances, family, friends, dignity, our lives.


PS. I am sorry for the length of this letter, it took me all day to decide whether to post it or not. Sorry

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