Well, I had an upper GI done yesterday. Talk about
nasty barrium stuff...bluck. Completely dehydrated my
body...and today I have a stomach ache along with
"pure" white diarrhea. I assume this is the barrium
trying to get out of my symptom. Anyone been there?
I'm going to reach out for a moment here...Ever since
diagnosis and surgeory I seem to be declining into a
serious mode of depression. Like "Post surgical
trauma/stress" or something. I don't know...it just
seems that I've had to change everything in my life.
The way I eat, how I exert myself, eating or just
being in public due to gas, friends you thought were
friends---but they left you standing alone when you
needed support (family, too), the clothes I wear
(excessive bloating), my job and how they handled the
whole situation with me being out of work (moving my
office while I was out, losing my personal pictures
and properties, threatening to fire me if I didn't
recupe quick enough for them-even with doctors
documents), my relationship-I was telling my husband
last night I need more help and support mentally and
physically...he said "Huh?" (He was watching a
baseball game)...repeated myself and he said, "It'll
get better."...then started yelling at the ump on t.v.
He didn't get I needed to talk. When I told him I
needed it desperately...he said "I'm just so tired."
(He's always tired..or busy...or just selfish). I
told him in advance, I wouldn't probably feel well
after GI, I wasn't allowed to eat or even drink all
day yesterday before the test (and it hit 105 in
Tucson), I had only barrium in my stomach and that I
needed him to take care of our dinner for the first
time in 2 months. He said sure no prob. But, when
the day rolled around...he left it in my lap again. I
resent the fact I've been so supportive to all these
people when they needed it...but, noone can seem to
turn the tables back for me. My whole outlook on
people and life is changing. I don't know...thanks
for letting me share. And to not "thoroughly depress"
anyone else out there by my whiny letter...How many
cups of coffee can I drink to make my stool turn "not
white"? LOL and Don't you hate the pimples that are
under the skin...no whitehead so you can't squeeze
them...but, they hurt like a you know what! LOL
Pain-free days to all. My love, Marianne B.
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