<< What happens when the agony returns? I don't know. Please respond, >>
If you will be weaning off the meds so you can go through surgery, then what happens when the agony returns is "hope."
I'm on a list called Create Luck, and a while back a story went around about the Jews in a concentration camp during the Holocaust. It was either Auschweitz or Treblinka, I can't recall...I don't know if I will be able to relate it exactly as I read it, but it went something like this:
Even as their people were being beaten to death and starved before their eyes, even as they grew weak from hunger and suffered the effects of malnutrition and rampant parasites, even though they knew they likely would not live through the ordeal, the spirits of the Jewish people were not broken. All because they had Hope. When they were asked how on earth they could still Hope, after what they had endured and witnessed, one of them said, "We are commanded to Hope!" There is a beautiful passage in Leviticus about G-d's commanding us to hope always, even when we cannot find the answers or the way. He will take care of us in His time, not in ours. He already has the answers. Our job is to be patient and remain open to what the future holds. That is the toughest assignment I've ever recognized, personally, to be patient and remain open. *Sigh* Like that saying, "I want patience, G-d, and I want it NOW!"
Realizing that while Hope is important, we need something a little more tangible when the pain gets really bad, you might look into some herbal anti-inflammatories, muscle relaxers and teas. Even Sleepytime Tea by Celestial Seasonings is full of Kava Kava and Catnip, which if you have enough of it, you will feel like one big glob of molten jelly. I would clear any supplements with the doctors first, as some can cause you to bruise/bleed easily. Is there a homeopath near you? I've decided to find a good one in my area. Not instead of Western medicine, but in conjunction with.
It is hard not to be afraid when you KNOW you are going to be in a great deal of torturous pain, but you can mark the days off til your surgery with Hope. And maybe, just maybe, it won't hurt as bad as you think it will???? It's *possible*.....You are really going to be OK!!!! Hang in there, it's tough but I have faith in you. You really and truly are going to get better. Have faith.
If St. Bernadette, the nun who as a child found the Holy Spring near Lourdes where the Virgin Mary appeared before her, can still look like the picture of a sleeping woman over 130 years or so after her death, anything is possible. I saw her on a program on tv a few nights ago, she is in a glass case in a shrine-of-sorts in France. I swear, her complexion was better than mine has ever been, her skin is smooth and flawless like alabaster, her cheeks still have a flushed glow about them and her lips aren't even gray or anything. I still get zits and I'm 37 years old! And, I'm still alive! <G> Unfair! Bernadette died at about 34 years of age and even though she was buried for a while (years) in a regular coffin, in the ground, when they dug her up to move her, she had not decayed one iota. In fact she looks beautiful!!! I'm Jewish, yet I know a good miracle when I see one!!
See, I've botched the lurking thing again, and gotten long-winded too. Sorry, I got carried away. A happy evening to all,
Lynda in AZ