Re: Trying to get courage
From: LNewman@milbank.com
Wed May 24 10:39:26 2000
Toni, Toni, Toni!!!!!! PLEASE do not give up!!!! That is what
Satan wants you to do -- throw in the towel -- he knows you are getting
tired and he is working your nerves. I do not know if you or the others
that are reading this right now are saved but I do no this, if you are not,
you need to be. I can tell you from experience, if it were not for Jesus, I
could NOT get through ANY of this!!!!! Even having Him in my life is not
stopping the pain and suffering, it is just the COMFORT of knowing He is by
my side and said He would never leave me. Look at what we have finally
found, and believe me, if it were not for Him, we would still be stumbling
around in the dark!!! He has brought to us Drs. Reich and Redan, and He has
blessed their hands to give our lives back to us!! Can you not find
happiness in that? Please try!!!! We are all going to get together someday
and have a reunion of post-adhesion sufferers and I am seriously considering
trying to put something like that together after those of us who started on
this path together can get together after our surgeries and rejoice!!! I
want to hug, cry and laugh witb all of you and I know that we will before
this year is out!!! Yes, the surgery is expensive, I am taking my money out
of my retirement account and I was told but am not sure that I can get a
penalty break because it is for medical reasons but hey, even if I don't get
it, I don't care now because I want to be healed and if I have to get the
money from there, so be it. Not being able to have bowel movements and
bloating make you feel so like jumping off a bridge (I know what it feels
like because there were times I wanted to off myself and did try because of
the pain and not finding anyone who believed me), and it feels like you are
going to explode (or like the movie Alien; the first one, where the thing
broke out of people's abdomens. I think that is going to happen to me
sometimes, especially when I get backed up. The reason the pain clinics
seem to cut us off for a while on increasing our pain meds is because of the
constipation factor, and that is why my drs. are not giving me any more
until they get my bowel movements regular. I told them good luck with that
and said I need the meds to stay functional and they said they couldn't in
good conscience give me more knowing that they are setting me up for a
blockage and until I am running incidence-free, they will NOT increase my
dosage. So you see, even if you quit, you won't be any better off than you
were WITH the meds., so keep going and if you just cannot make the
adjustment, tell them you have GOT to have more meds.
The point I want to make to you Toni is this, whenever you are
feeling down, or feel like you just can't go on, this is exactly where you
need to be -- writing to us, you comrades in pain, we understand and can
support and hold you up when you just don't have the energy to do it
yourself. In the middle of all of this is Jesus. Together, we form a
mighty strong force to be reckoned with and by goodness, we are going to get
through, no casulties to Satan, and our families and friends are going to
say they can remember a time when they thought we were done for and now we
look and feel great!!!!! Stay with us Toni, we are and will always be your
lifeline!!!!!!!! With so much love, Laura.
> I have had alot of abdomenal bloating the lsat few days, and last night
> I could not even button my jeans or sit.
> I have never had this before, I was taking senekot every night, and
> stopped doing this, I had alot of pain last week, and now I know that
> the abdomen is getting bigger, and I am so tired of running to the drs.
> I am treating this all myself, and I told my husband the fear of surgery
> is so great, and trying to stop smokoing so I can do it. I have been in
> alot of pain lately, and the bowels not moving is REALLY getting to me.
> I am under alot of other stress, and this is getting to me.
>
> My husband even said he has never seen my stomach like it was last
> night, the bowels did move some today, and it is painful, this I know
> has to be from the intestines being stuck to the abdomenal wall, and I
> just cannot get the nerve to call the gyn to set up the suregry with the
> general surgeon. Do I keep suffering until this terrible fear of dying
> goes away, I do not know why I am feeling this way! I am even thinking
> of igving up pain clinic, the meds are not helping, and they change
> nothing.
>
> frustrated,
> Toni
>
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