Hospice called in for my father in law

From: toni welsh (twelsh1@hotmail.com)
Wed Apr 5 22:30:32 2000

I am very upset today, and I am feeling alittle strange, I sometimes think I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. They called the ambulance today, and hospice will be taking over now. I had to call and cancel my appt for the gyn tomorrow. I am feeling very evil and weird, and have even been mean to my husband, after being there all day, I do not know what is wrong. I think I will not get through this, it will be 4 years in 9 days that my mother died, and I had the strength to walk in the hospital where she died. I just am so scared to deal with this, and I have been so good for a long time with all of it!

I just have been having panic attacks again the past week, and have not taken the time to take care of my bowels, I hope I can apologize for the mean temper that came out tonight, and where it came from. I hope all goes well for you and Ginni, Karla, I know it is awful to face more surgery, but hopefully it will give you both your lives back, I have been busy, but thinking of all you, and know God will watch over both of you. Why do you get the strength to do what you have to but now that the family needs me, I am not able to deal with it, I will hate myself after acting like this, and not knowing where it came from.

I am just so worried about so many people and I love then all very much, I just do not know why I reacted like this. It is awful to be ashamed of yourself, but I think I have just pushed myself to the limit, and when I push too hard I do all the wrong things. I have been having a ahrd time with all of this illness with my father in alw, but I hope I can deal with it tomorrow.

Thank you all for listening, Toni

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