toni welsh wrote:
> I have been reading alot of the posts, but have been alittle busy, with
> my father in law having his lat radiation treatment tomorrow. I hope
> things slow down, my husband is on vacation after tomorrow, and I am
> looking forward to this, as far as the way I am feeling, I do not think
> I can go on like this no more. I told my husband I will talk to gyn
> tomoorow, when I take my sister, and I was having alot of those days
> again lately, I cannot stand to shop or clean, and I push myself to do
> it. The weird thing is my bowels have been moving and this now is
> worrying me, never happy, but I worry because I have alot of cramping
> before I go, and last night, I had alot of pain, and I could not get the
> gas out. But I did go today, and very little yesterday, and all I took
> was colace last night. I do not know if it my nerves doing this, or
> what, even though I had a bowel movement today, I still feel like I have
> to go. I am getting so tired of explaining this pain that is an
> everyday thing, and I am not doubled over pain, it is all INSIDE. To
> try to explain all this, is SOOO annoying. I know for a fcat I cannot
> live like this for good, I will go nuts. I have days, not alot that I
> can do more. No matter how I feel I know I have to do it!
> Who do you turn to to make a decision, only we know how are bodies feel.
> I have no appetite at all, and that has been really making me tired. I
> had a very small bowl, maybe 5 bites of mac and cheese tonight, usually
> when I feel like this I eat soup. I am still so afraid of the
> anesthisia thing this time, I was so brave for the 5 months in 98 when I
> had 2 laparotomies, and one lap, in 5 months.
> Now it has benn 18 months since my last one, and I am afraid of dying, I
> think that has alot to do with all the death, and illness that has been
> in my family lately.
> There is still the fear of what happened to my mothers bowel, and it
> killed her, I know it was different, but it still is the words bowel
> died. I am so scared, and so confused, I hope to hear from someone
> soon, with my husband home next week, I will not be online alot, try to
> keep busy with him. I wish I could make up my mind, there are just
> somedays when you say I will go on like this, in case things get worse!