closer to deciding on surgery

From: toni welsh (
Thu Mar 30 19:19:24 2000

I have been reading alot of the posts, but have been alittle busy, with my father in law having his lat radiation treatment tomorrow. I hope things slow down, my husband is on vacation after tomorrow, and I am looking forward to this, as far as the way I am feeling, I do not think I can go on like this no more. I told my husband I will talk to gyn tomoorow, when I take my sister, and I was having alot of those days again lately, I cannot stand to shop or clean, and I push myself to do it. The weird thing is my bowels have been moving and this now is worrying me, never happy, but I worry because I have alot of cramping before I go, and last night, I had alot of pain, and I could not get the gas out. But I did go today, and very little yesterday, and all I took was colace last night. I do not know if it my nerves doing this, or what, even though I had a bowel movement today, I still feel like I have to go. I am getting so tired of explaining this pain that is an everyday thing, and I am not doubled over pain, it is all INSIDE. To try to explain all this, is SOOO annoying. I know for a fcat I cannot live like this for good, I will go nuts. I have days, not alot that I can do more. No matter how I feel I know I have to do it!

Who do you turn to to make a decision, only we know how are bodies feel. I have no appetite at all, and that has been really making me tired. I had a very small bowl, maybe 5 bites of mac and cheese tonight, usually when I feel like this I eat soup. I am still so afraid of the anesthisia thing this time, I was so brave for the 5 months in 98 when I had 2 laparotomies, and one lap, in 5 months.

Now it has benn 18 months since my last one, and I am afraid of dying, I think that has alot to do with all the death, and illness that has been in my family lately.

There is still the fear of what happened to my mothers bowel, and it killed her, I know it was different, but it still is the words bowel died. I am so scared, and so confused, I hope to hear from someone soon, with my husband home next week, I will not be online alot, try to keep busy with him. I wish I could make up my mind, there are just somedays when you say I will go on like this, in case things get worse!


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