Re: Appearances Can Be Deceiving...

From: Sharonda Moore (rondamoore@hotmail.com)
Fri Dec 3 12:16:23 1999


Rhonda,

One strong piece of advice - ignore. You can't even entertain what they say to you. Most people around us don't know what its like to go through long term illness. They conjure up images of people like Richard Pryor with MS, Muhammed Ali with Parkinson's - people have the visual signs of an illness.

I am grateful for the people that are "healthy" looking coming out about their illnesses..Montel Williams, Michael J. Fox and others. Now the world can see that people with 40-60 hours schedules and kids and numerous commitments can be sick - even their coworkers didn't know.

We hide our pain in the dark, it becomes an involuntary action. We don't want pity, be portrayed as the resident hypochondriac, or too much attention, or if we ignore it maybe it will go away. For whatever reason, we hide it. I simply get quiet - I don't yell out in pain or cry or anything obvious, this is my battle - so I understand.

Concentrate on documenting how you feel and keeping good records for your doctors. Continue to do what you do, when we put on makeup and wear decent clothing - it sometimes can make us feel better, even if in a small way.

Sharonda

>From: rwhite@alston.com (Rhonda )
>Reply-To: adhesions@obgyn.net
>To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS <adhesions@talk.obgyn.net>
>Subject: Appearances Can Be Deceiving...
>Date: Fri, 3 Dec 1999 12:20:51 -0600
>
>Yesterday someone made the comment to me that because I don't look sick,
>I will have a hard time convincing a doctor that I'm truly in pain and
>need to have my adhesions dealt with. I do take the time some days to
>put on make-up because it makes me feel better. I also dress relatively
>well. I work in a conservative law firm so I can't wear jeans to work.
>I've been overweight for years so I'm not exactly skin & bones.
>
>The person that said this to me said that she can't even tell when I'm
>in pain. I work very hard to make myself look presentable and I have
>the "stiff upper lip" mentality so I'm not one to allow casual/business
>acquaintances to know I'm feeling. Am I to be penalized by the doctors
>just because I don't look like I'm at death's door and because my manner
>is almost always sunny? I was raised to never allow my personal feelings
>to show to anyone other than immediate family.
>
>Ordinarily someone else's opinion wouldn't concern me but this person is
>usually right on the money when it comes to things of this nature. It
>really bothers me that I'm being judged on this basis.
>


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