Re: Positive Attitude

From: Christi (mcchristi@gmail.com)
Mon Feb 2 14:13:21 2009

Mark-I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Hind sight is always 20/20 but it is what it is. I think it's tough for ANY couple who's spouse is chronically ill and there is no easy way to deal with it no matter how much patience or long suffering one has. It is what it is. Linda-Thank you for your kind words. They meant so much to me. After gathering our thoughts and me doing some research into coping with chronic illnesses and depression we got so much help and realized my setback caused us both to go through all these stages again. I hope this can help all of us This is from an article I found called: How to Develop & Maintain a Positive Attitude when Chronically Ill December 23, 2007 by WD WD "----There are usually five stages that chronically ill people go through: Denial and fear. People are reluctant to believe that they really have a chronic illness and they will feel very alone. They search frantically for answers and do a lot of website searches on their particular illness. Anger. Patients will feel angry because their lives are totally going to change. They will feel anger towards their physician, "Why didn't he/she diagnose me sooner?" They will also feel anger towards their family members and friends because they can't understand what the patient is going through. Bargaining. Patients will try to bargain with God, "If you take away my illness, I will be a better person". They feel as though they are being punished for something they did in their lives. Depression. Because of the dramatic changes that come with being chronically ill, depression is a symptom experienced by all of these patients at some point. They may feel hopeless about their situation, wondering how they are going to spend the rest of their lives this way. Most people can move beyond this stage without becoming suicidal. There are those who become severely depressed and need additional medications and therapy. If you or anyone you know is severely depressed, please consult a physician immediately. Acceptance. Patients will move into this stage realizing that life is what it is, they have to live with their illness and they search for ways to improve their lives. They may become passionate to where they start a website, support group, or lobby for more government funding for their illness. As someone who is chronically ill, I have found that I will move through these phases at different times throughout my life. As flares of my illnesses (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia) take over my body, I will go through the stages again but I always get to Stage 5 quickly. It is because I have learned how to live and to function as a chronically ill person. One way that I have done that is to develop a healthy emotional attitude toward my illnesses and life. I have come to terms with that what is happening to me is not fair, but it is what it is. I have to accept it and try to live my life to the fullest regardless. I can't physically do the things that I once could, but I am still alive. I have a great family and loved ones who understand what I deal with and I feel that I am very blessed If you are at the beginning stages of the process, you may feel that you will never get to Stage 5, but there are ways to get through the process and to feel better about yourself. Journal I found journaling to be a great help in keeping a positive attitude. By writing down my feelings, symptoms and daily life I have been able to have an emotional release that is necessary. Having an emotional outlet, especially in the beginning stages of your illness, is so important because so much is going through your mind. If you can write it all down, you will feel better. If you like to type or like to be on the Internet, start a blog or website about your illness. Not only will you help yourself, you can help others in the process. Gratitude Journal Once I started a journal, I also found that it was helpful to write down what I was grateful for each day. There would be days where I would be bedridden and couldn't do anything, but I would write that I was grateful to have woken up that morning. Look for the good side in a bad situation. Be thankful that you have a husband or wife to wake up to, children to wake up to, clothes to put on your back; whatever you can think of to turn a negative into a positive. Read Read positive, uplifting books. I read a lot of self-help books that deal with how to become a better person and how to deal with life in general. Some great books that I have read to get me through slumps include: Life Strategies by Dr. Phil McGraw The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren The Gift by Shad Helmstetter The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson When I find that depression is starting to set in, I go pick up a book that will lift my spirits. It works every time for me. Support Groups There are many support groups online for chronic illnesses. What is great about support groups is that you can talk to people who are going through exactly the same thing as you are. It's very difficult for family and friends to understand your illness, especially in the beginning stages, and you need to talk to someone who you can relate to. Also by joining a support group you will realize that you are not alone and that there are many others just like you. Search for local support groups in your hometown that meet once a week or once a month. You can either search online or in your local newspaper for meeting dates and times. If there are no local support groups or online support groups for your particular illness, start your own! Focus On What You Can Do Once you become chronically ill, there will be many activities that you may have to give up. It can be easy to only think of the things that you can't no longer do. What I found was that if I focused on what I could still do I felt much better about myself. Even if you can't no longer work 40 hours a week, or job 10 miles a day like you used to, look for ways to still do the same activities but on reduced levels. Focusing on the positive in life instead of the negative can only prove powerful for your emotional and physical health." -Original Message------- From: Linda Date: 2/1/2009 1:32:49 PM To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS Subject: Re: Positive Attitude Dear Christi, It is very hard for our loved ones to understand how we can be in so much pain and they get tired of hearing us complain. Unfortunately, as hard as it is on them, it is so much harder on us to live with this God awful pain! It's important to do what we can to ease the pain so we try to can get through the day without complaining. I've seen many marriages dissolve because of health problems and the women are now alone and miserable. A husband is one's shoulder to lean on in good times and bad. I've struggled for years on my own and it is a lonely life. I would give anything to have a good, loving husband. Even if we can't enjoy many of the things we once did, it's important that those we love do without feeling guilty. Remember, you are not alone....There are thousands, perhaps millions, who are suffering with pain. When you feel like there's no one who understands, I suggest using this forum to vent. Someone who cares, Linda

>----- Original Message -----
From: Christi To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS Sent: Saturday, January 31, 2009 12:13 AM Subject: Re: Positive Attitude Thank you, Jack. I needed to read this tonight. I was considering leaving my husband or at least leaving the house! I don't know why. I actually can't drive yet cuz of my behind is still healing, don't have a job, home-school our 4 kids -but I just felt trapped. I had been doing so good since surgery-but I sneezed yesterday and had a horrible sharp pain and now dull aching ever since. My anxieties overwhelmed me-did this break the 40k surgery I just had? I was just now STARTING to do normal things! Then yesterday, my DH made the comment "I'm not used to you being helpless again" (I had to be still and not move for a long while). I felt he was complaining but we talked it through and he apologized. We had agreed days ago (when I was feeling good for a while) that he could go play golf today. But then a bunch of stuff (including my setback) happened. So today he told me "all right, well I'm headed out to play golf" without even asking how I was feeling or anything so I MADE him thank me for letting him go play golf and guilted him with some harsh words (even though I had the kids here, DD with ear infection, plumber coming and I, in pain- it was overwhelming to me) and I was angry he didn't at least check if I was all right enough to handle everything. Needless to say, he didn't enjoy himself on the course. The bitterness I felt just went right to him and then heaped on me tonight when I brought it up again. I'm accusing him of being selfish and he's accusing me of being selfish! Like we're in the sand box or something! Hence, the feeling to flee! I just am sick and tired of being sick and tired. And Yeah, I should be cared for properly-I still think he shouldn't have gone, but I should also be caring for others properly too. Making my heart known gently instead of forcing someone to be grateful. -------Original Message------- From: NY House Date: 1/30/2009 10:27:56 PM To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS Subject: Re: Positive Attitude if I may say... of course we should be grateful for every moment and every morning we wake up - for some people didn’t get another morning or another day, and some people did not wake up today. that is something we should never lose sight of, even in the darkest of hours due to physical pain or loss of hope. And you are right about the complaining biz - no one wants to hear the same ole 'poor me it hurts' day in day out... people tend to step back from a friend like that, and step towards the ones who seem happy even for the smallest of things. but this is the process of life - and to be told to be grateful doesn't make one grateful, if anything it makes us bitter and feeling misunderstood. in short - yes. this is part of our life's journey, but hopefully not the full extent of our lives. I found for myself when dealing with pain, or loss, or whatever the cross that I've been given to carry... one of life's little ironies is that when we stop focusing all our attention on ourselves and our problems (I said ALL our focus) and instead reach out as much or as little as we are able to help another person top carry theirs... only then does my load seem less heavy, less of a burden, then do I hear of a solution for 'me' - whether it be pain meds while hoping on a cure.. or if I can't even get out of bed but have little kids... even inviting them in the room to stroke their hair, tell them you love them. same goes for our spouses, if we're lucky enough to have one and to have kept one thru all of this drama and struggle. my point is not to preach to anyone here - please forgive me if it comes across as such... just throwing out solutions that have worked for me. and the only thing that has gotten that huge chip off of my shoulder - some of you know might know this chip I speak of, or maybe it is more of a male thing though I doubt it. People are people. but I carried more than a bit of anger towards the doctors my surgeons and their lack of care... and then towards my family and friends who I felt don't support me or support me 'enough'. and with all this added bitterness and anger, no wonder it seemed more than I could bare! I kept on adding more and more to carry. was only when I little by little - to do so in one clean shot didn't seem to stick - but was something I gradually thought and worked through, and that chip dissolved one splinter at a time. and still there are days I need a little reminder, to remember not to rebuild that chip again... and the only way I have found personally, is to help someone else, in any way that I am capable of. but to remember that more often than not we get what we give - and if I keep giving out negativity every where I go, or simmer in it like a sauce.. well then I'm just adding more layers and more weight to carry during the day - but again, this takes time - and no one can tell another when that time has come - so please, no more negative or mean comments on this group. There's been enough to last the rest of the decade in my opinion. May wellness of body and spirit be everyone's. and may there be a yet unknown cure right around the bend, or if not, then may it be around for those who come after us. -Jack From: carynlruzich@comcast.net Sent: Friday, January 30, 2009 10:55 PM To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS Subject: Positive Attitude 

--
Kelly,
 
You got the positive attitude right!  
 
Caryn R



>----- Original Message -----
From: "Kelly Murray" <klmurray_61@msn.com>
To: "Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS" <adhesions@mail.obgyn.net>
Sent: Wednesday, January 28, 2009 12:59:19 AM GMT -05:00 US/Canada Eastern
Subject: Re: Hi

You are right.  We all have something that is hard to live with and
misunderstood but we are alive.  I used to complain to my husband all the
time and he finally said that he did not want to hear the same thing every
day as he can't do anything for me and he knows I feel bad.  I got very hurt
and mad but then thought about it.  I wouldn't want to hear that every day
myself.
And there are people that are a lot worse off then we are.  I am sure each
one of you know someone that has had it bad and still manages to be positive
  I have to work on the positive thing myself.


>----- Original Message ----- 
From: Katie 
To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS 
Sent: Tuesday, January 27, 2009 5:42 PM
Subject: Re: Hi

I don't agree that people are being way too calm about being sick.  I
think living with ARD, (as with everything), is all about perspective.

I hurt, Heaven knows I do.  And there are days that I just want to step
in front of a bus.  Especially when I look at pictures from just 4 years
ago and see how "alive" I was.  It makes me sad ...  for the moment.

But then I pick myself up, look around me and think, "at least I'm still
here.  Maybe tomorrow will be better."

But maybe that's just me.  :-)

Katie

At Tue, 27 Jan 2009, diana rodriguez wrote:
>
>some people sound way too calm about been sick!!!!!!, what we have to wait
the spraygel was suppeosed to be in the market in 2003.
>We don't know who is who in this blog. No human being wants to go on and
on in pain. We are not wire that way.
>We are not equipped to go through so much pain.
>I am very sorry but you don't sound like a person with our condition. You
sound like many of my doctors.
>You are in this blog to stop people from being pro active. We have to pay
attention when people sound like you.
>What is your purpose?.
>One of the doctor who was part of the trial who is a well known gyn doctor
in Texas has a different view.
>How much you were paid to run that , what is the company that you
represent?.
>

 

 

No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com 
Version: 8.0.233 / Virus Database: 270.10.16/1928 - Release Date: 1/31/2009
8:03 PM

Enter keywords:
Returns per screen: Require all keywords: