At the end of my rope

From: Christina Brown (
Thu Jan 27 16:29:17 2005

I have had as many others here multiple operations. 27 to be exact.

Most all laporoscopies, starting at age 15, I am now 36 I suffered from Endo, and ovarian cysts the size of grapefruits throughout my teens, and twenties. Finally even though I desperately wanted more children, (thank God for my 13yr old son who was the happiest accident I ever had) I opted for a total hysterectomy. Other than the hormone difficulties I was never sorry I made that decision, and I had a good 5years or so virtually pain free.

After the 5 years though, the pain returned. I had a laparoscopy by a OB-GYN, he found my bladder and colon stuck together, as well as other adhesions that has caused my pain. When I woke in the recovery room, I could immediately tell that they had addressed and fixed the problem.

Once again I found relief for about another 2 years. After the 2 years my symptoms returned more intensly than ever.

Accompanied by constant diahrea which I had never had before. I had a steady background pain at all times. But topped off with frequent attacks of VIOLENT diahrea with spasming that was in my opinion worse than childbirth. I can't tell you how many times I have fainted and fallen off the toilet, its a miracle I have never cracked my skull. My husband is the most loving and understanding man in the world. I can tell you flowers and candy is one thing, but when you wake up to your spouse wiping your bum for you, that is true love.

So this syndrome of abdominal pain and gastro attacks has been going on constantly for about 4 years now. I saw Gastro specialist had 2 colonoscopies and was told...GUESS WHAT???? Irritable bowel syndrome. I swear thats everyones favorite diagnosis when they can't easily see what is wrong. Anyway finally I consulted the same OB-GYN who did my last cleanup job, and he scheduled me for surgery last May. Prior to that surgery though I had another of my gastro attacks that was so painful I couldn't bear it. My husband took me to the ER, and they discovered a bowel obstruction. So I had to have emergency surgery performed by their on call general surgeon. He opted for a laparotomy, he cut a 8 inch incision vertically stretching from below my pubic bone to my belly button. He supposedly cleaned up scar tissue and fixed my bowel obstruction, but this did not resolve my pain or problems at all.

Additionally I had a horrific post op incisional infection that took over a month to get over. IT was an abscess leaking gallons and gallons LITERALLY of puss. My incision split open 3 different times, and all I was told to do is pack it with gauze and let it heal from the inside out. It did eventually close, but it took around 3 months and left me with some really scarey and ugly scars. thats my background NOW.... Ever since that surgery last May 2004, I have not had one moment of peace. I am in constant pain, I still have the unexplained gastro attacks, and nobody is willing to treat me any longer. I ended up being sent to a pain managment clinic, and they put me on Methadone. Lord I wish someone would have given me a bit of a warning about the severity of that drug.

I was on state assisted insurance because I haven't been able to work for over 3yrs due to all this crap, but they changed the income requirements and I got kicked off last October. Since then I have been seeing just a genereal Practitioner and paying out of pocket. She has been keeping me on the methadone, however recently for no reason she decided it isn't working, and she doesn't want me to be a drug addict..So she just cut me off. No weaning, no reason she just doesn't think it is helping me. So I have spent the past 5 days in the worst withdrawal hell I could ever imagine.

It got so bad that my husband once again had to scrape me off the bathroom floor and take me to the ER. They were all sympathetic and willing to help me, then went and called my doctor and whatever she told them the ER doc came back..and said NO NARCOTICS, you are just going to have to deal with it. She then just released me. I AM NOT A DRUG ADDICT! I have never broken any directions given to me by the doctors, in regards to pain meds nothing. I just don't understand what happened to suddenly make her just drop me like that. Talk about inhumane. Out of sheer desperation I let the hospital social worker set me up with an appt with a methadone clinic. I just don't know if that is the right thing to do though. Isn't that for Heroin addicts? Is it possible that somehow they think I am a heroin addict and I am hiding it? I am so confused and desperate and in so much pain. I honestly wish I could go to sleep and just not ever wake up. I have no quality of life, I spend days on end in bed holding my stomach and weeping. My mother said she would pay for me to go back to the pain managment people, but I know they are probably going to treat me the same way. When I was seen there in the past the doctors were very harsh and I never had one appt that I didn't leave crying.

My belief is that this last surgery in May because is the cause of my pain. As I said I had a huge incision, and the physician said he pulled my intestines out and handled them check for anymore blockages.

And as I mentioned the horrific infection, couldn't all of those circumstances cause alot of adhesions? Anyone who has had similar experiences that might be willing to share..Would be very appreciated.

God bless to all who are going through this. I know how you feel. Love, and Prayers to all ~Chrissy

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