Re: This is not adhesion related but need help with in-law problem

From: Robin M (rmasse2333@aol.com)
Fri Dec 20 07:27:18 2002


I fully understand your problem. My Mother in law is a good granma to some, but not my kids. Even though she is very close to my hubby, she just doesnt feel the need to do things for my kids. I know part of it is because we are a very stable couple where the others are low income single parent families. She has hurt my kids feelings many times & has even neglected them while they were in her care! Now, my kids are older 22, 18 & 15, they just don't really think of her as their grandma. My 18 year old son even "adopeted" another Grandma. I know it hurts the kids, but, just keep being there & showing extra love when the in laws show predjudes (sp??) When they are older, they will understand that it was not them that something was wrong with but the granparents. I also know how much it hurts you when your children are hurt. I don't know why some granparents are like that. I learned many years ago from my mother in law what a good mother in law I would be, she showed me I didn't want to be like her!! I also learned what a special grandma I would be, because she showed me what a rotten one was like! I will love all my children in laws, and I will spoil rotten all my grand babies! Learn from your in laws like I have. I hope you now understand that you are not alone. lots of love robin M

At Thu, 19 Dec 2002, Brenda wrote: >
>I have very unusal in-laws and since I can not work because of my
>problems with adhesions I am the one everyone calls about problems. The
>story is long but I will try and get to the point. My husbands parents
>have 2 grandchildren my husbands brothers little boy who is 5 and our
>son who is 3, they spend 4 days a week with Randy picking him up from
>school and take him to Walmart and spend at least $30 a week on toys and
>candy, it took me threatening to never talking to them to get them to
>spend time with our son, they never ask Jordan to go to Walmart with
>them or buy him gifts, I even suggested that they just give Jordan the
>same amount they spend on Randy to put in Jordans savings account, they
>never repsonded. When the family gets together they smother Randy with
>hugs and words of praise and hardley speak to Jordan. Jordan loves them
>and when they do come by to see him he is thrilled. At Christmas last
>year after we opened gifts and we went home they went to Randys home and
>took him more gifts. I have always been the person who makes sure that
>we all get together on holidays and spcial occasions, my husband and his
>brother have just started becoming friends since our children were born,
>there was alot of mistrust between them and I can see why it almost
>seems that their parents pit them against each other. They want our
>children to be close, but with their parents spending so much much more
>time and money on Randy, Jordan will eventually notice and he will
>resent Randy. Also my mother in law hates Randys new step mom and is
>always trying to blame her for everything that goes wrong, David my
>husbands brother wants to have Christmas at their house this year and my
>mother in law is mad because they ask me to tell her, they knew how she
>would react and I am the only one who can stay calm and not wring her
>neck. She refused to make anything to bring unless they call and ask
>her to. I think everyone get s the picture on how things are no one in
>this family can get along, they are always looking for the bad in each
>other, and I am the one they call to vent. I want to say a prayer this
>Christmas about forgiving, trying to look for the good in each other,
>how our actions reflect on our children, on treating our children and
>grandchildren equally, that life is short and how much we have to be
>greatful for. The problem is I am not good at writing this sort of
>thing and sort of start rambling like I am now. I know alot of you are
>good writers and if any of you know a prayer that fits my situation or
>can write one please email it to me at nancebln@earthlink.net.
>I hope all of you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year.
>
>Thank you for listening to me.
>Gentle Hugs
>Brenda


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