I can't do this no more ....

From: Pascale Vlaun (nevinvlaun@megatropic.com)
Tue Dec 17 18:31:56 2002


Dear all,

I haven't posted any messages for a long time now ... and one of the reasons is that I am miserable and tired of the constant pain, just like most of you all.

My last hope would be another pain treatment via an epidural pump for 7 days ... no fun at all to being in that needle but I had to try it again, anything for just a little bit of relief. Guess what ... it did not work! The pain is just as bad if not worse. The pain is going to my hip and right leg now, sometimes the pain shoots in my leg so bad that it completely paralyses my leg.

I am sorry, but I am tired of the fighting and the constant pain, I can not do this no more. I never asked for this and I don't think I deserve this neither, this is destroying my life!

I am scheduled to go to Holland in January to see yet another doctor and my pain doc is suggesting to perform a block of the superior hypogastric plexus, but I don't know ... no guarantees and yet another painful treatment ...

I admire the people who have been living with pain for so many years ... here am I with only 4 years of misery and not even 30 years old! I should have a whole life ahead of me still ... but please not like this! I am afraid I am going to give up, I don't think I am strong enough anymore ...

Sorry to open up like this, but I really needed to get this off my chest.

I wanted to wish everybody a Merry Christmas and all the best for 2003, may it be healthy and pain free, you all deserve it!

Love, Pascale Vlaun


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