Re: Even more problems!!!
From: kann (stew@cowtown.net)
Mon Nov 25 20:45:28 2002
Hey girls,
Okay this broke my silence. I just want to say I am so very sorry for the
women who are alone
or dealing with insensitive family members/spouse/children, etc. I watched
Melissa lose her friends
when she was in her early teens and 20's...they would all try to go out and
so often she would get sick. Many times she was accused of "faking" illness.
She wanted so bad just to have a good time
like the rest of them. This was during the days of us not having anything
concrete as what was wrong--only told it was Crohn's (which I did not
believe)....I sat with her night after night, day after
day and we talked at times at how life doesn't stop for her pain. Truth is,
people ARE insensitive.
And since they can't visually SEE a problem, then they assume you should
suck it up. Karla, you are so right about most men--notice I say most--there
are some who are there through thick and
thin--but Melissa doesn't have one--but we have READ about them! One of
Melissa's boys told me that Melissa's boyfriend had yelled at Melissa and
said, "You're ALWAYS sick!!" one day when he was wanting her to get up and
go. Good thing I wasn't there to hear it--I don't like the guy anyway! I
began praying for God to remove him from her life if he was not good for
her--guess what? They are "friends" now, but SHE told him she didn't want
him around as much. Who needs more problems and no comfort?? I pray that God
will send her the right mate.
Yes, there are times, almost daily, that I am so weary of dealing with her
illness, however, I never
let her see it. It has changed my life so much--I no longer even know who I
am. I put all my wants,
needs, and desires aside. Each day I just seem to go through the motions. I
try to be positive and
happy, upbeat, etc....especially in front of my kids, husband, and
co-workers. There isn't a day that
I don't shed tears--especially when I go walking at night. My mind never
stops at what has happened to my baby. So wrong, so cruel. I do not know how
you women make it without emotional
and physical support! Melissa sends me cards every now and then and they
absolutely make it
all worthwhile....she doesn't take me for granted--she does realize how this
has affected my life too.
It has affected our whole family--and our whole family is very compassionate
caring, etc. in her
behalf--it is just that I am the one to help her continually when she is in
need of help.
My heart just breaks for you all. It is amazing to me that you are strong
enough to say "to hell
with them" and manage to get by and take care of yourself. You are to be
commended. This is
not an easy road to hoe alone.
Blessings!
Karen
------Original Message-------
From: adhesions@adhesions.org
Date: Saturday, November 23, 2002 11:54:22 PM
To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS
Subject: Re: Even more problems!!!
Unfortunately, I think that men weren't given the tools to deal with illness
...either that or someone forgot to teach them how to use those tools. So
many of the men in my life have absolutely no clue what it is all about
being sick. When I first began having problems years ago.....when they were
making the MS diagnosis...I was in and out of the hospital all of the time.
My husband would never come to visit me. He used to say that he didn't like
hospitals. He taught my daughter well. One time, I couldn't even get out
of bed. I had to crawl on the floor to the toilet...I had such a bad
headache and I had to get sick. I asked him to go to the store and get
tylenol but he refused. Finally, I realized that this was a really bad
episode and asked him to take me to the hospital. He drove me to the door
of the ER and left. Inside, they did a CT scan and felt that I needed to be
transported to the neurosurgery ICU! unit at the hospital in Green Bay, but
they could not locate my husband to get permission to do so. I was in no
condition to authorize it, so they had to wait for several hours for him to
saunter into the ER. Needless to say, he never got any better. When the
diagnosis was made and as I began to fall into the world of one surgery
after another, our marriage fell apart. I realized that although I still
loved him deep down, I certainly didn't like him. I also knew that I did
much better away from him. So we were divorced. Ironically, when I went
through my first couple surgeries on my bladder, it was he who was my
support and no one else. That did not last long however.
I have learned that it is better for me to deal with this all by myself
rather than having someone by my side that is so consumed with negativity
about my illness. This negativity just makes me feel so much worse. Long
ago I learned to deal with this on my own. It hasn't been easy...you lie in
your hospital bed just aching for someone to hold you...but, as time has
gone on my family support has gotten a lot better. My mom and my sister are
much more understanding and compassionate. At least now I have their
understanding. That helps somewhat. As for the others, I just don't share
much with them. I don't tell them, other than my daughter, when I am in the
hospital, when I am not feeling well. If they don't care enough to ask...I
don't feel the need to share. It works easier for me. I have built a wall
around myself to shield me from those insensitivities. While it is probably
not the best thing, i! t is necessary for me to make it through the rough
times.
Okay, I've rambled enough. Back to bed.
--
Koolinsask@aol.com wrote:
Millie, I don't have anyone here either! Thank God for this site is
right!!!!! And don't ever tell yourself you deserve what you get! You don't
deserve this one bit, none of us do! Men can't handle women crying, I think
sometimes they may feel helpless! If they don't try to understand, that can
be a problem though!!!! My husband gets mad at me, and I usually tell him
where to go! He has no right, nor does he have a clue how i truly feel! I
have learned to take no shit from anyone! Especially those who don't even
try
to get this! I have lost a lot of family members, mainly my in-laws, but
that's the way it goes! If you don';t want to try, then I say good-bye, we
have enough damn stress!!!!!! Sorry, i think i needed to vent
lol............Millie, just keep on plugging, and you are going to be okay!
I
really think you will be hun......
Your ! friend
Cherryl
Karla
**Soaring with my angel**
http://www.geocities.com/karlasfamily2001
http://www.geocities.com/princessd82000/BraydensHaven
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