You have had some great advice from Kris Ann and Tara. You are NOT ALONE in how you feel. ((((Brenda))) sending you cyber hugs and prayers...
Yes it is tough, and we have all had times were we feel exactly the way you do right now... when I get like that I start writing out a list, I think about all the good things I have... I have both arms & legs, two eyes to watch my beautiful girls as they continue to grow, a loving husband who supports me (I am in Australia and I DID get a disability pension, but our system is very different to yours... I don't know if it is worth mentioning when you have your application interview...)
I have great friends that I met here on this board, who inspire me and make me determined to make a difference.... I wish words alone could change things for you, but they can't, it is a burden that each adhesion sufferer carries and one we must work out how to balance the load to make it as easy on us as we can.
You mention your children, and how you find it hard to be around them, I understand that feeling completely! I went through exactly the same thing! When I have bad days (which I still have because of complications even though my adhesions are gone) and I had to find ways to still spend time with my children so that they felt secure and knew that I loved them, but for me too. It really helped me to fight off depression.
I gave each of my four daughters a beautiful journal. Each was unique and reflected her personality. I encourage them to write down their hopes and dreams, thoughts, draw pictures and write letters to each other and to us - their parents.
We now have journals full of two years of letters, thoughts and drawings that we share, talk about, laugh and cry over. The most important thing I found is to keep the lines of communication open as much as possible. I spent a LOT of time in my bedroom over the last two years, BUT my daughters knew where I was and could pop in to "visit" me if I wasn't resting or sleeping.
Another way I pull myself out of melancholy thoughts is to get out the photo albums and look at how my children have grown over the years! I plan simple special occasions to share with them, or for them to share with their friends. Smiles on my daughters' faces help me a lot; a smile on my husbands face melts my heart :-)
It is tough Brenda, I am not trying to make light of it, I struggled for a long time. I found comfort in writing long replies (like this one lol) to people here on the board, by writing in my own journal, in reading, watching good movies on video and DVD, listening to my favourite music or taking a stroll across my favourite beach in my mind. Visualistation is one of my favourite tools, to help with pain and depression. How I do it is in the "How to Cope section of http://www.bombobeach.com take a look and see if you can think of a special place you can use to help you.
Well, I see I have written another epic *sigh* lol, but I hope Brenda that you find comfort, support and hope in what I, and all of your other friends on the board have written to you. You are in my thoughts & prayers.
love & warm gentle hugs, Jo
-- Joanne Eslick Founder Australian Adhesions Support Group http://www.bombobeach.com NSW Australian Co-ordinator of International Adhesions Society http://www.adhesions.org
-- I am not a medical person, and all my messages are based on personal experience. I am a fellow adhesions sufferer reaching out to help others.