Re: When Friends Turn Away: We've all had the feeling of loss when people turn a

From: Janice Simpson (
Tue Jul 30 18:10:47 2002

Oh Rose, I feel so sorry for those people who think everything is wrapped up in a package with a neat little bow. I don't know if I would write them or not I think I probably would. Let them know how much you valued their friendship and enjoyed the time you used to spend with them and thank them for freeing up all the new free time you have to spend on stuff you and your husband really like and let go at that.They must not have been a friend to you and your husband if they can just walk away from you because things are different. If she can't see the pain you are in now would you want to have to count on her in a crisis (I think not). I am so sorry they hurt you but as the kids say "kick the to the curb" I must sound a little heartless but it has happened to me a couple of times and as they say when one door closes another opens. Wait for the other door to open it might be a nice surprise. Your friend, Jan

>----- Original Message -----
From: Sent: Tuesday, July 30, 2002 6:55 PM To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS Subject: When Friends Turn Away: We've all had the feeling of loss when people turn away.

I have just experienced this loss...I had only thought I was being paranoid, but my brother-in-law inadvertently let the cat out of the bag this last weekend.

For some time now, one set of our friends (a couple) have had all sorts of excuses for not spending time with us...working on house, sick pets, family gatherings, etc. For the most part they have been believable. A couple of times we were suspicious, like when we asked to use another friend's lake house only to learn that that couple had already asked to use it at that time...normally we all 4 go together and ask as a group for the time, planning menus and outings, etc. Well, we ended up going with them...but I now think it is only because we found out they were going and our other friend mentioned it to them. We used to be so close that you never saw one couple without the other.

This last weekend, we were told that they would be busy...he was going to be working on the house, she was going to be running around with her sister. Instead, they had plans to spend the afternoon with my brother-in-law and cook out. Now we don't know what to do or say...I've gotten the impression before that neither one of them believe that my pain or conditions are real. She always makes a point about one of her other friends continuing to work after a car wreck left her partially disabled. (Sheila's conditions are physically apparent)

My husband just wants to cut them off...he's really angry, especially since I said it was probably because of me. I've been tempted to write them a letter, asking that if it is me and my problems putting them off, not to punish my husband because of me. My husband suffers enough having to see me in pain and not be able to do anything about it.

Thanks for letting me blubber on.

kcmo rose

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