Re: Healthcare (snicker)

From: Palmer, Todd (tpalmer266@sapphire.jcn1.com)
Wed May 2 10:59:04 2001


Rose, That was hysterical!!!! You hit it right on the head!! Love, Lisa

>Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care
>
>What does HMO stand for?
>This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go
>back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a
>patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was
>poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical
>finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral
>slips, but the result remains the same.
>
>Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
>No. Only those you need.
>
>I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor
>I want?
>Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer
>will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were
>participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered.
>These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no
>longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no
>longer part of the plan. But don't worry -- the remaining doctor who is
>still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half
>day's drive away!
>
>What are pre-existing conditions?
>This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want to
>talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be
>pre-stuck with it.
>
>Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
>Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
>
>What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
>You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
>
>My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I
>tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What
>should I do?
>Poke yourself in the eye.
>
>I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap. My
>insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery, but I'd
>already paid my bill. What should I do?
>You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement check over
>to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of those
>great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill
>farms or frog hatcheries.
>
>What should I do if I get sick while traveling?
>Try sitting in a different part of the bus.
>
>No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?
>You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your
>primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then
>get sick.
>
>I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle
>my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart
>transplant right in his office?
>Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10
>co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.
>
>What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?
>Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.
>
>Will health care be any different in the next century?
>No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
>
>Written by David Lubar
>
>kcmo rose
>


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