I feel i cant carry on like this anymore, i'm constantly in bed for 20hrs or more per day, can only manage to eat sandwiches anything bigger comes back up. I even phoned my priest this morning, so he came round to visit me and i told him how i felt.(If i go to sleep and not wake up then, i'll no longer be in agony).
Dont think i am suicidal, as i'm not, I would NOT contemplate that.I just want some kind of relief from this nightmare situation.
I havent been out of the house for ten days, except for an emergency visit to gp, (BUT) I'm really SCARED of going back into hospital, because of the accident that left me like this. If I go to hospital, then i have to go back to the same one, the thought petrifies me, even now i still have nightmares and flashbacks. As you all know the only way they can diagnose adhesions properly is by 'keyhole' laparascopic surgery.It was this procedure that led to my bowel being punctured so I had to have a colostomy done, and, they punctured my bladder, ended up with suprapubic catheter(a tube that goes through abdomen to bladder and drains in to a leg bag, and a vaginal catheter,as suprapubic catheter couldn't cope on its own.. As you can tell i'm really depressed and dont know how much more pain and vomiting i can cope with, and the weight loss.
I hope u can try to understand the way i'm feeling, and why I am so SCARED of going back to the hospital.
Perhaps some of u have felt like this before?
Is there not more to life than living with ARD?
Regards Jackie B England (stickybits)