When I read your email, my heart just wanted to reach out to you. Please know that you are not alone. You have all your friends here who will stick by you. You know I wonder what my husband feels like seeing me in pain all the time. I know it is a real burden on him because he has to do it all: work, come home and cook, take the kids places, get them showered and in bed, and on top of all that take care of me. And I fall apart when he gets a virus. What would I do in his shoes and he in mine? I don't know that I could handle it. There is a lot of stress on a relationship when there is one who is constantly ill. But are you in that relationship for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. I know that you said this is your boyfriend. This is surely a test though. How strong is your relationship? I see this being tested right now even with my friends. It is a hard thing to have to go through. But know that you are not doing it alone. The people here in the IAS have either already been through it or are in the process of doing it right now. I will definitely be praying for you. If you need to talk anytime, you can email me privately. You need to realize not every man who walks into your life is going to leave you because you are ill. There will be a man who will love you in sickness and in health. I know because I am fortunate to have one who does. There was someone else on this board, I believe it was Teresa, who went through something similar a few weeks ago. We all prayed for her and things worked out. Maybe there are other things that are burdening him down as well and just the build up of it all is too much to handle right now. Sit down and talk with him about it. My husband gets this way from time to time as we all do. Sometimes just sitting down with him and asking him what is REALLY bothering him makes all the difference in the world. And sometimes there are things I can do to take the load off of him. Even just giving him some time to himself helps. Men process things different than we do. You know "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus!"
It might take you a few weeks to really feel good after your surgery. Did they have to do a laparotomy? It really takes me a good 3-4 weeks before I ever feel better from that kind of surgery. Now I would be questioning my doctor about the bloating like a watermelon. That just doesn't sound good, especially when things were supposed to be fixed. Why don't you call and ask them about that? Do you have a post-op appointment anytime soon? You really, really, REALLY need to find out about that. It concerns me and I hope it does you. Please keep me informed about it, okay? I hope to hear from you soon. I am praying for you and am here to talk anytime.
Love and big hugs, Jenny
From: SAM7398@aol.com (Stacey)
>Reply-To: adhesions@adhesions.org
>To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS
><adhesions@mail.medispecialty.com>
>Subject: Recovering from surgery
>Date: Sun, 11 Feb 2001 20:34:47 -0600
>
>Hi everyone,
>I just want to thank each and everyone of you for your support and
>prayers. The surgery I had on 1/31, went well...so far. I came through
>it very good....My surgeon who was expecting a hour long surgery ended
>up in the OR with me for about 3 1/2 hours. My insides were a complete
>mess again....and this is just after having surgery just 4 months ago.
>So, this is 2 surgeries in 4 months. I am still in a great deal of pain
>and I am just not sure if it is all post-op or adhesions already. I am
>beginning to feel a little better, although I can't eat anything. If I
>do my stomach swells up to the size of a watermelon and boy am I in
>pain. I am not doing so good emotionally right now though. I am not
>getting very much support from my boyfriend of 7 years anymore. I think
>he is just tired of my sicknesses. We were together 7 years and then we
>split up and were apart for 3. We just got back together about 10
>months ago and the whole time we have been back together I have either
>been in the hospital or laid up in pain. I love him very much. He told
>me today that he doesn't know how much longer he can take this. It
>broke my heart...I am feeling all alone right now because he was the one
>person that I definetly thought I could depend on for support. He does
>love me he just says that he can't handle this and if I were to ever
>need another surgery he doesn't know if he would ever want to be with me
>again. I have already had 5 open abdominal surgeries and I don't want
>or plan on having anymore, but with our disease you never know. I just
>hate having to wonder in the future if I will just be swept under the
>rug because of my sickness. I feel like no one wants to be with me
>because of my illness. I married a man after my boyfriend and I split
>and he left me because of my illness. I have been crying all day long,
>I am in a very deep depression right now which I know does not help my
>healing process. Could everyone please keep me in your prayers I am so
>scared and don't know what to do about all of this. Thank you again for
>everyone's support I don't know what I would do without this website.
>
>In loving friendship,
>Stacey
>
>--
>Stacey
>