Re: no subject received Fri, 2 Feb 2001 13:36:34 -0600

From: Teresa Waldrop (
Fri Feb 2 16:29:06 2001

Dear Terri, I thank God, too, that you didn't take enough. I can understand how you felt when you did that, as I am sure that many of us do. I promise that I will reach out for help if I ever feel the need to do something like that. You must promise to do the same. God knows why everything is happening this way. We just have to trust him. Instead of looking at all that we are losing due to our illness we need to stop and figure out what we are gaining. That's a tough one, isn't it? Today I am thankful to be alive and for all of my blessings.

> ----- Original Message -----
From: Terri Lynch To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS Sent: Friday, February 02, 2001 1:38 PM Subject: no subject received Fri, 2 Feb 2001 13:36:34 -0600

Hi everyone, I have sit here reading all the messages and I think all of us have felt like enough is enough and I can't take it anymore. I know that I would be the first one to admit it....I am a very compassionate person when it comes to others and I feel each and everyone's pain. I sit, lay, do anything to get comfortable. But then it seems that nothing works. I understand the sleepless nights the long waking hours and yet no relief. I guess I feel like Drs. degrade us make us feel less somehow and we except what they say as face value. Well for one I have stopped believing Drs. know all. Because if they did they would do more than what they do to help us. I guess I am angry today. I heard from social security this week and was denied. Just another thing to disappoint me and my family. I was refused because I have the capability to think and handle my affairs..what affairs..I haven't wrote a check in months except to the Drs. offices. I can't go shopping, I can't sit at my boys games and cheer them on, I can't make love to my husband, I can't drive my car(especially since I had them two minor fender benders a few months ago and Dewitt took away my keys) But yet I am able to earn a living. So after feeling like a failure on all them things I have really gotten to the point where it seems this is life and I have to live it....what fun.....I sit and think man, I sure must have done something bad in a past life to get all this on me...I mean all I wanted was a little money to help my husband. I sit here watching him work himself into a early grave. He doesn't take a day off. If he is at home he paces the floors worrying about how are we going to pay this or pay that..And then the stress that we went through a couple of weeks ago...I know what you mean when you say I am tired...I AM TIRED! I did something I shouldn't have a few days ago and really haven't told many about it. I feel ashamed of what I did. I was upset and tired of feeling like the troubles with everything was my fault and I was a failure. I sat down and wrote a letter to the ones I loved and basically said I was sorry but I was tired. Then I picked up some of my meds and took them. Thank God that I didn't take enough....I did black out and I broke my nose....I know now that that was wrong that I was better then that and I deserved better in life and my family deserved better then me cowering out on them...I would never do that again..but I know it was God that let me live...Please when anyone gets TIRED talk to someone and really reflect on how that giving up would be on your family...Please don't think I am a bad person for wanting to give up....I was TIRED...I lost track of the big picture...If I wouldn't have this disease my life would be great...but, because of it I have made friends that I will cherish for a life time. I have learned that when I am down they are there to lift me up......

So to all if you ever feel like that talk.....we are not alone and that is a wonderful thing..we have others to take a little of the load and may have answers for you to help....

Love and hugs to all Terri

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