From: Carey (
Fri Apr 7 11:32:04 2000

Toni, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I cared for my mother-in-law 8 years ago when she was dying from emphysema. 5 years ago we took care of my mother at home as she died from breast cancer, one month later my grandmother died (we were very close). That was a very hard time for me. Somehow, I managed to live through it. My mother and grandmother were my best friends. Someone told me than that you never get over losing someone but you get used to it. I would have to say they were right. Getting used to it doesn't mean you like it but somehow you manage to live inspite of it. Many things bring back the horrible pain and grief, each time that happens you emerge just a little bit stronger. I have lost so many people in the last 10 years (I am 33). My mother and mother-in law both died when they were 48. That is only 15 years away. I really struggle with my own mortality because of this. I have to remind my self that God is in control and it is He who has numbered my days. I may die at 48 also or may live to see 100. You will get through this. It may not seem like it right now but you will. Take care of your needs too. You will not be of any help to your family if you get ill. Say your apologies and move on, you don't have the strength or the time to dwell on mean words or bad days. Everyone in your family is struggling right now and I am sure they have their bad days too. They will understand. If you are having problems you can't get a handle on...panic attacks, etc. Don't hesitate getting professional help. Do you have a close friend their that you can talk with? (You do have all of us here to listen and pray for you.) You also need to vent with someone other than family right now, someone who is not as close to the situation. I will be praying for you. Please, take care of yourself too! Carey

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