Then there is your family, and your friends. They try - but it's hard for them to understand. And you know they want you to just "Snap out of it!" - sometimes they even say it and imply it can't be as bad as you say, especially when the doctors don't seem to think you should feel that bad.
As for getting married, my husband is a wonderful person who has stuck right by me, does all the housework, takes care of our son, takes care of me, and has been supportive in everything, including the times I've lost jobs because of this, resulting in us nearly having the power shut off or even losing our apartment or house. I will admit, we are separating sometime in the future when this latest episode is over, but it has nothing to do with him giving up on me or anything like that. We are still very close. Not only is he my best friend, he always will be.
I guess the point I'm trying to make here is, you have to take the risk of losing people to find the one who will really be there for you. And don't give up - those few people who do stay are the best things in the world to help you keep your sanity.
Take care - and come back often. It's a good place to vent when you need to.
-- Tara S.My name is Tara and I am suffering from this problem since I am 20 years old. My original surgery was for a very large ovarian cyst and 8 years and 7 surgeries later, I no longer have a gall bladder, an appendix, my left fallopian tube, my left ovary, and a few sections of my small intestine. I have not gone one year in the 8 without at least a month in the hospital and hyperal and lipids and portacaths and central lines and nasogastric tubes and lots of pain medication, etc. etc. You know the deal. I completely relate to everything you have all said on this forum and it is great to know that I am not alone. I, too, have felt like I wish it would just stop and I could just lay down to sleep and not wake up. I have days where I have only twinges of pain (twinges in my eyes, probably excruciating to the average person) and other days where I get pains that could make me suicidal or even homicidal. I am afraid 90% of the time that the next day will be spent in a hospital and I never plan too far in advance for anything. I am lonely because I feel as if nobody understands me or what I have been through. I have experienced emotions from people ranging from disenchantment to a complete fear that I have the "cooties" or something because I am ill all of the time. My doctors look sad and frustrated everytime they see me again in the hospital. I rarely see them in their offices because I am somewhat well when I am not hospitalized. My finances have suffered greatly and I feel as if I will never marry and find someone who is willing to stick with someone who spends as much time sick as she does healthy and cannot say that she will be well ever. I guess it is just nice to know that I am not alone. Who is Dr. Wiseman and why did he start this forum? Thank you all for your comments. I have found them both informative and helpful.