I just wanted to drop you a line of support and encouragement. I am just now catching up on all my e-mails because my computer hard drive died and it has taken me 2 weeks to get it up and running again.
I am not sure that I can say anything to help your situation - but I want to try. Based on your previous posts - I get the impression that you get very little - if any support from your family. Toni - you have enough to deal with - you need family support from loved ones now more than ever.
I was glad to hear that you are seeing a counselor. The one I saw helped me to deal with my husband's lack of understanding of what I have to go through on a daily basis. I hope your counseler can help you as well. I can honestly say - my husband has come along way in understanding and having compassion during my worst days. But there are still times when I have to tell him that I truely wish that I could make him experience what I feel for just one hour - and then see if he would still try to make this all out like I got in a line somewhere and asked for this!
Just know - you have support and understanding here. Stand your ground with your loved ones - let them know you need their support now - not their cruelness - you can get that anywhere.
Hang in there and know I am praying for you and your situation.
Tina
At 07:55 AM 10/28/99 -0500, you wrote:
>I hate to write to any of you this morning, but I have no where to turn
>now. My 18 yera anniversary is Saturday, and or relation ship is
>falling apart fsat. I do not think I can deal with this day alone,
>after a awful night last night. I have cried so much, when I got up I
>could not open my eyes, they were not this swollen since grandma died in
>June.
>
>I cannot beleive the way the evening went, first I had my handicapped
>sister and I was trying to bath her, she is 140, and I weigh 97 now, she
>is rough, then her and I came out to the kitchen, and my son went out to
>light the gas grill, when he turned it on and hit the switch, I looked
>out and I saw a huge ball of yellow, and he yelled, and he could not
>see, it happened so fast I did not know what happened. He was fine, but
>it had scared him too. Well, since that happened my husband got angry,
>making fun of me, and out of the blue, I told him I do not love him
>anymore, and I removed my rings, and told him I do not want them any
>more. I do not know why I said this, he has shut me off for a few days,
>but I have kept my dealing with things with me to my self. I would go
>on forever if I talked about this, but I think the marriage is rocky as
>hell, and now I am scared, if I lose my husband all I have is dad and my
>son, his girlfriend who I adore hurt me too! I feel like my life is
>over, as I type this, THE TEARS WILL NOT DRY, I CANNOT KEEP CRYING LIKE
>THIS! WHERE DO YOU GO WHEN LIFE GETS TO BE TOO MCH. SOO SCARED!
>The arguing did not stop most of the night, too long, I am now convinced
>men do not uderstand!
>
>I paged my counselor, and she could not talk and when she called back, I
>missed hercall. Hate to bother them after hours!
>