HI Kimberly, I can totally understand where you are coming from. I ask the same questions especially when I am really bad. This is now my 3rd day straight without much relief. I decided to be wonder woman, and try to help with painting the inside of my house.
I started on the ceiling, my Husband took it away from me. Then I decided to do the trim. Not so good. I do feel like a worthless piece of crap especially when I am no longer able to do all of the things I used to. My anti depressants don't seem to be helping much anymore either. I do feel bad because when the pain hits hard I am very self absorbed. I do try to turn things into the positive. I can walk, though not the best because I double over so much. I can hear, see, I have a wonderful Husband and 2 grown sons. When I say it's getting bad, whoever is around me helps me into my room, help me lay down, bring me meds for pain and nausea, and help me get situated.
When the pain is so bad you can't think straight I just want to scream! A couple of times I have gone in for IV therapy. At the E.R. I am given through an IV, Fenergan sp? morphien, or Dilaudid and saline for dehydration. Dilaudid works the best. Every time I am really bad my Husband always says, you know it will be over soon. I just want to slug him! Last night it was 4 hours straight of sobbing, curling into a ball with a heating pad in horrible excruciating pain, I say over and over Please God make it stop! No one on this Earth should have to deal with such horrible pain, and a non exissstant life. I hate missing weddings, BBQ's, Holidays, I could go on and on. I was seeing a Psychiatrist for a while, and she was teaching me to learn to relax, and breathing techniques for when I am at the point of no return in pain. I always tense up, pull my hair, grit my teeth. She was really helping me, then she raised her rates, and I can't afford it anymore. I am fortunate that my Dr. gives me pain meds.
I am also starting at a Comprehensive Pain Center. I have already gone through a lot of procedures that they want to do to me. I will try again 1 more time. My family Dr. referred me and I am afraid if I don't go he may cut my meds and I can't have it happen. I am interested in trying a pain
pump. Had a tens unit, It created more pain and problems. Ok I keep babbling
on! I would get a list of new Dr's. in your area, and look them up on line to learn about them. Set up appointments to interview them. Write a list of questions and start asking when you go in. My Gastro is more supportive than
anyone. My family Dr. wants me to read the book, They don't know whats wrong
with me (I think it's the name) I would still like to find another Dr. Kimberly don't give up! There are so many of us in the same situation as you
are. I have been going through this since I had a Sigmoid Resection in 2002.
I have had a total of 11 abdominal surgeries. My last 2 were in Germany with Dr. Kruschinski. I did quite well, then had to have my gallbladder removed, and there it really started hitting me really hard again. I am now on SSD I had to have a hearing to get it because I was denied the 1st time.
I just got ins. again starting 12/09. You still are a Mom and Wife, and I am very sure that they all still need you and count on you. Just please do not give up! You are not alone. There are so many of us having the same problems and ups and downs. Just keep posting and there are people that will answer. Ok running out of room. You take care. The one thing that has been so hard for me, is that I really don't have friends anymore. I have my Husband and sons and some family. My Brothers Wife thinks I am faking and it's all in my head. So, I chose to stay away from them. She has really hurt me a lot because every time something goes on with her I show up with dinner, presents etc. For me, not even a phone call.
Oh when will I ever learn ??? Try to enjoy your 4th of July weekend. Feel free to email me too :) Cheryl
> Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2010 22:40:40 -0500
> From: tracy.joslin@adhesions.org
> To: adhesions@mail.obgyn.net
> Subject: why bother
>
> Sender: kimberlyecanonico@hotmail.com (Kimberly)
> Subject: why bother
>
> I can totally understand why people kill themselves. There is no help
> just circles upon vicious circles. Doctors who don't understand, family
> that doesn't believe you and a life that no longer exists for the person
> that this happens to. The doctor who did this gets no punishment and
> the families that suffer just continue to suffer. I don't know why this
> happened to me. All I know is that I wouldn't wish this fate on the
> most evil person in the world. I can't take care of my kids or myself.
> I see normal mommies at the park or the fair on my way to useless doctor
> appointments and I realize that I will never be happy again. There is
> no way out. I was robbed of a normal life with my family and I am
> emotionally and physically beat up. I don't sleep and I don't eat yet
> the doctors say those are psychological symptoms. What I do every day
> is exist and I don't want to do this anymore. I have been going for
> massages and he says he feels a mess of adhesions all the way up to my
> diaphragm yet I can't get one doctor to listen to me. I question my
> existence every day. I am no longer a wife or a mother. I am a burden
> and I don't know how much longer I can be that. I have lost everything.
> I am broken.
>
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