I guess I just need to let a few things out. I am so frustrated and in
so much pain. I have been dealing with this since I was a kid. It was
never too much of a problem them, just something I noticed if I stood
too long. After I got pregnaunt at 15 I noticed it so much more. After
I had my daughter I finally decided to ask a doctor about it. I tried
talking to a female thinking she would be more understanding. I was so
wrong. She told me it was just cramps and to take some advil and get
over it. I was scared to talk to a doctor again after that. My first
husband finally conviced me to try again, after lots of test and
referrals, my OBGYN decided to do a lapo thing I had endometriosis. What
she found were two cysts on my ovaries and adhesions which she removed.
I ended up going back because the pain returned. She had to remove my
uterus then and the adhesions were worse. Of course the pain returned
this time she went in to do another lapo to remove my ovaries, it was
supposed to be an in and out surgery. When I woke up I was told that an
ambulence had to take me to the hospital, both overies were removed, but
the adhesions were so bad at this point that she couldn't even get to
them at all. I had to be opened all the way up so she could remove
them, she also found that they had wrapped around part of my bowels. So
here I am, again in pain. This is the worst it has ever been and I had
to stop working. This will be the fourth job I have lost due to this
problem. My husband and I decided maybe it was time to try for
disability, which of course has been denied. I am going to the doctor
for more tests so I can appeal it. My husband is going to push me into
another surgery and I am terrified. I do not like sugeries, they scare
me and my past surgeries have all gone wrong. At this point I am
completly worthless, I can't do much, I am always in pain and have no
one who understands or that I can really just talk to and cry to. I
know my family would be so much better off without me. I just don't
know what to do. I can't sleep, when I try to go to bed with my husband
I just lay there feeling the pain, I have to be distracted from it, I
usually just lay down on the couch with the tv on until I pass out
finally. I am usually up for over 24 hours before I am so exhausted
that I can finally sleep through the pain for a few hours. Ironically,
have you noticed that the pain is worse when you are always so tired?! I
want to cry all the time, but that just makes the pain worse too. I
hate this. I am only 30 and I feel my life is over. Sorry to whine so
much, sadly I did try to keep it short, there has been so many other
things I could share, so many complications from this, so many other
things going wrong. Thank you for listenting to me
Liz