Just need to whine a bit

From: Liz (geck0_2@yahoo.com)
Thu Oct 22 20:43:00 2009

I guess I just need to let a few things out. I am so frustrated and in so much pain. I have been dealing with this since I was a kid. It was never too much of a problem them, just something I noticed if I stood too long. After I got pregnaunt at 15 I noticed it so much more. After I had my daughter I finally decided to ask a doctor about it. I tried talking to a female thinking she would be more understanding. I was so wrong. She told me it was just cramps and to take some advil and get over it. I was scared to talk to a doctor again after that. My first husband finally conviced me to try again, after lots of test and referrals, my OBGYN decided to do a lapo thing I had endometriosis. What she found were two cysts on my ovaries and adhesions which she removed. I ended up going back because the pain returned. She had to remove my uterus then and the adhesions were worse. Of course the pain returned this time she went in to do another lapo to remove my ovaries, it was supposed to be an in and out surgery. When I woke up I was told that an ambulence had to take me to the hospital, both overies were removed, but the adhesions were so bad at this point that she couldn't even get to them at all. I had to be opened all the way up so she could remove them, she also found that they had wrapped around part of my bowels. So here I am, again in pain. This is the worst it has ever been and I had to stop working. This will be the fourth job I have lost due to this problem. My husband and I decided maybe it was time to try for disability, which of course has been denied. I am going to the doctor for more tests so I can appeal it. My husband is going to push me into another surgery and I am terrified. I do not like sugeries, they scare me and my past surgeries have all gone wrong. At this point I am completly worthless, I can't do much, I am always in pain and have no one who understands or that I can really just talk to and cry to. I know my family would be so much better off without me. I just don't know what to do. I can't sleep, when I try to go to bed with my husband I just lay there feeling the pain, I have to be distracted from it, I usually just lay down on the couch with the tv on until I pass out finally. I am usually up for over 24 hours before I am so exhausted that I can finally sleep through the pain for a few hours. Ironically, have you noticed that the pain is worse when you are always so tired?! I want to cry all the time, but that just makes the pain worse too. I hate this. I am only 30 and I feel my life is over. Sorry to whine so much, sadly I did try to keep it short, there has been so many other things I could share, so many complications from this, so many other things going wrong. Thank you for listenting to me Liz

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