New here, long rant

From: Kimberly (
Fri Oct 9 22:49:29 2009

I had a laparoscopy for "endometriosis" in August 2008. I woke up from the surgery in excruciating pain and with constant gas. Weeks went by and the constant gas did not stop. You could hear it in my belly like a fish tank. The gas actually liquified. Its the worst pain I could ever have imagined. When I went back to the doctor he told me that I would never be satisfied and that he fixed me. I ended up having adhysolysis in January 2009 but the gas pain persisted and moving my bowels began becoming even more difficult. I have been hospitalized for pain atleast 15 times since the first surgery which I developed c-diff from.

I am 33 years old with a 3 year old daughter and a husband. The pain has been so debilitating that I have needed help with my daughter and now my whole family lives with my mom and dad so we can be together even though my husband works. We are paying a mortgage on a house we never live in because I can't raise my daughter alone in pain while my husband works. Recently, we went to a doctor to bring on my period since I never got it after the first surgery in 2008.

Apparently the adhesions bound my uterus to my bladder, my intestines to each other and my ovary to itself. At that doctor appointment we were shocked to learn that I am pregnant. When I ended up in the hospital for pain again, they put a lot of pressure on me to abort the baby and stopped my medication cold turkey. I denied the abortion because I just couldn't live with myself if I did it. When I got home from the hospital, I made a terrible decision and tried to medicate myself. It was hard to go from xanax and dilaudid to tylenol so I took 14 benedryl to sleep. I had not slept in over a week. What I didn't know was that it wouldn't put me to sleep but would make my heart race and I would hallucinate. I reported myself to 911. No one was home at the time. When I got to the hospital I was reported to DYFS for endangering a fetus and being a danger to my 3 year old.

Before this surgery, I lived the American Dream. I had a house, 2 cars, a husband, friends, a daughter, a dog, a supportive family, a masters degree, money and the list goes on. This pain has belittled me to the point that I writhe on the floor in pain 80 percent of my day. The last hospital visit they put me in the psych ward since they believed I was drug seeking and after four days they had to move me to the medical floor because I needed an IV so badly. This year I watched a hospital roommate die of cancer in four days and watched another roommate of advanced age try to get out of bed only to be screamed at by the same nurses that were screaming at me for crying in pain and laughing at me because my chart says psychosomatic. I have to now prove to DYFS that my daughter should not be taken away from me and that ARD is real. I have been shunned by family and have basically lost everything in my life except my mom, husband and daughter who have been faithfully by my side through numerous hospital visits in 5 states.

We are all scared of this pregnancy. It was completely unexpected and I have a difficult time eating and drinking. My bowel movements are infrequent and painful and I almost never pass the trapped gas in my belly. I went online and rated my doctor so that other people don't jump into surgery and make my mistake. On the website, I became villified by many women claiming I am a liar who is not a good person and out to hurt the reputation of a great doctor. My question is can I really be the only person who has this problem created by this doctor or am I just so unfortunate that it had nothing to do with the doctor and just how my body handled surgery? Does anyone have any suggestions to prove a court that ARD is real? Any remedies for sleep at all? I don't get more than one hour a night on Tyenol PM, combined with 2 mg dilaudid and 10 mg Ambien. They won't give me more because of the baby and really that is a lot of medicine. Shouldn't it be providing more relief than one hour sleep? Lastly, has anyone tried Clear Passage in Florida. I have a huge fear that a small bowel obstruction has been missed in my case but I have been told not to come back to the hospital or they will take my daughter and put me in the psych ward.

I suffer so much pain everyday. I can't believe that one decision to have a "simple" sugery has caused this kind of nightmare in my life. My mom has lost 40 pounds from stress and worry, my dad has had a stroke and my husband has been trying to manage holding his job, paying huge medical bills and trying to keep our family together. I know this is a lot to swallow but I feel very alone and like I have no one who can relate to what I am feeling. I miss being a normal wife and mom. All of a sudden I am the sick mom who can't play and who is in trouble with the law. At the hospital I am the complicated case or the interesting case. I don't want to be the puzzle and I most certainly don't want my last label which is the girl who had to be commit herself because she is imagining grandious pain. Of course, I denied having fake pain but was told if I didn't commit myself that they would commit me and take my daughter away. Up until this surgery I lived a very coddled life. I was babied by my parents until I got married and then treated like a queen in my marriage and now all of a sudden I am thrown in a psych ward with people who really have psychosis and want to kill themselves. By the end of my time in the psych ward, I had completely blacked out and woke up strapped to a chair with an iv in my arm not knowing how it happened or who put it in. I have never blacked out before. To say the least, this year has been extremely scary for me and my family and stressful for my three year old who is walking into dark rooms screaming for her mommy while I am hospitalized. She is now very clingy when I am home and is having nightmares. I feel so swindled by my doctor because he didn't explain the risks and I have no recourse. I look like I am in need of mental help instead of medical care because no one believes me. I got so sick after my surgery in August that I lost 20 pounds in a week. I am struggling to put the weight back on.

I was beautiful before this surgery and now I can't even look in a mirror. Anyway, tnat is my long story and if anyone has anything they can share that may bring some mental or physical relief to me I would love to hear from them. Thanks so much for letting me vent and be truthful and not fear someone is going to lock me up. Kim

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