Bill,
Thanks for sharing your all-too-familiar experiences with us.
I can relate well to the part about merely existing. My pain and functional issues were so severe for so long (and often still are) that I too wondered what the point was of continuing, but I decided that I couldn't do that to my folks, even though I always felt that even they had no idea of just how bad my issues were and my impression was that they felt I was whining and exaggerating about 'normal' pain. (which I've always felt was a problem anyway since I'm the youngest child!) That is a big problem with adhesions- you can look just fine on the outside so nobody- doctor, psychiatrist or otherwise, can believe that you could feel so bad without external evidence. A psychiatrist I once saw decided I had 'Body Dysmorphic Disorder'- which is what Michael Jackson is said to have had and is supposedly why he had all of those cosmetic surgeries because he saw facial imperfections and deformities that were either minimal or not really there in the first place!
The moral here: 'Healthy with no serious pain or other life-altering problems until you, the patient, can prove 1000% otherwise!' I frequently read in my medical records that 'the patient appears to be in no acute distress'- meaning my verbal clues fell on deaf ears and the doctor has never heard of the phrase 'Things are not always what they seem'!
I too think about never going to another doctor again- after waiting sometimes weeks for an appointment, and then no matter how carefully I plan on how I can best explain things, I usually find my appointment has quickly ended, leaving the doctor's office once again after barely being given a chance to even begin to state my case, with the usual brush-off, saying to myself 'What just happened here? I planned and waited all this time for THAT?!' This only serves to make me angry and probably raises my blood pressure, so I leave feeling worse than when I went in and of course it also leaves me lighter in the pocketbook for essentially no services rendered. I also have found total misrepresentations of my office visits in my medical records written by these lazy,lying and fraudulent docs, probably to make themselves look good to the insurance companies.
I'm going to try seeing my 79-year-old mother's doctor in a couple of weeks, which probably isn't a good idea but she talked me into it. She said 'she was nice'- well, a lot of doctors are nice if you don't have a complex issue like adhesions!
And while I don't know whether I'd actually purposely end it all, I'd have no problem resisting treatment for cancer or some other fatal condition (if I even knew I had it due to no longer seeing doctors on a regular basis) because I'd have no motivation to fight it anyway. I'd probably just let it do its thing.
I wish somebody would testify before the Senate on this. Or I'd love it if those of us with this insideous condition could all write about our insane, inhumane experiences with this, and then all of us send them to someone who would bother to take notice- but have no idea who that would be. We can't even get the ever-popular, conscientious and open-minded Oprah to attack this topic, much as we've tried. Though personally I think it belongs more on an investigative show like 60 Minutes, but I've tried them too.
One good way to describe life with adhesions is like being in prison for a crime you didn't commit- and you were never allowed to speak to an attorney or even represent yourself!
So sorry to have to hear about the damage done to yet another victim of this vicious, unforgiving condition again, but welcome to the forum anyway! We are here to support each other and share any knowledge or insight- and there are no limits on sympathy!
Joan