I continued with horrific belly pains, loud bowels sounds, nausea, abnormal bowel movements, loss of appetite, sweating, fast heart rate...... I was sent to see a local colo-rectal surgeon as my immunologist was convinced I might have a partial bowel obstruction. She wanted me to have another lap. I saw the female surgeon twice. She was very kind and went over ALL of my extensive history, including my recent issues. She decided to do an exploratory lap and THIS TIME place adhesion barrier in my abdomen. She heard the horrible bowel sounds and yu can literally feel a tight band on that side. I was thrilled that someone was finally going to place a barrier in me. It was scheduled for tomorrow. Through all of my suffering this week I kept telling myself to just get through until Thursday. I went and had all my pre-op work Monday, made arrangements with a friend to be with me, filled out tons of papers for work, scheduled all of my time off, bought all of my prep supplies and medications and was mentally ready...and as usual excited to possible get some relief. This is about as sick as I have ever been and I have been severely depressed. I have continued to work when I am able, and yesterday was really rough. But, again I kep praying for patience and thanking God for the chance to finally try the barrier. I had also had nothing but clear ilquids all day. Then, my phone rang at almost 5 PM yesterday at my desk. I was headed out the door to go home and begin prep. It was the surgeon. Seems she was having second toughts. All she told me was she had discussed my case with a few other "people" and she was going to cancel the surgery. Then she said "some I spoke with firmly believe adhesions do not cause problems like this...or pain". I felt like someone had kicked my in the stomach. After the almost 1 1/2 discussion with her at my last appointment, It was very obvious she did not feel that way at ALL. I have no idea what or who changed her mind. I burst into tears and begged he not to do this to me. I asked her "what now?" I can barely eat. When I do go to the bathroom (sorry for being graphic) it is unlike anything I have ever experienced. So much gas...it is just explosive and abnormal. I am in constant pain and my bowels are literally screaming. I stay in sweats and shake. She said "I will be in touch" and hung up.
I have been up all night crying. Devastated is not a strong enough word. I cannot afford to go back to Orlando, and she almost seemed to imply discussions with Dr. Redan helped her decide to not do it. I understand there are risks.....I UNDERSTAND THAT FOR GOD'S SAKE! I have been through this enough to understand all of that! I still wanted to try the barrier! I AM THE ONE SUFFERING AND IT IS MY BODY! He didn't use the barrier. I should have the right to try it if I want to. So here I sit, in tears, hurintg, bowels screaming, sweat dripping, with no further options. If I hear from the female surgeon again I will be surprised. I have been pushed off the cliff. Pray for me.....please.