I hate the depression that comes with the pain

From: Rachel (rachlux68@yahoo.com)
Thu Dec 29 22:09:48 2005

I am now in pain again & it is soooo depressing. I know this is normal for me, but every time the pain starts getting worse I get into a depression. I hate dealing with this alone. I also hate hearing how everyone else has it worse off than me & why should I be depressed. I love that answer the best. Those people who don't understand why I am getting depressed about it, people who have no idea what pain is, keep telling me how lucky I am that my son is healthy & that I have a job & that I am alive & that I am luckier than most because I have nothing life threatening. Well, first, there is no longer any way to know if this is life threatening or not. Every surgery is taking a chance with my life.

Second, so what if there are people worse off than me, that doesnt mean I am not in bad shape or depressed. And I love the ones who tell me that I have friends, or that I have family that loves me. I dont see ANYONE around when I am in pain. I dont see anyone running out to get me a heating pad because I cant find mine. I dont see anyone offering to get me dinner because i just cant get up to make my own. I go to work & come home...that is about it. I am so lonely & depressed about it. Maybe it has to do with the holidays & every year hoping that the next one I wont be alone, but each year I am as alone as the last. I just dont know. I am not suicidal, just tired & depressed.

Sorry for venting, but I just needed to.


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