Re: Angry????
From: Lynn Creacy (jlcreacy@gte.net)
Tue Jul 8 17:32:20 2003
At Mon, 7 Jul 2003, Karla wrote:
>
>As you know, I haven't been on the board lately because of my condition
>and constant hospitalizations. I have recently spent 3 weeks out of the
>month of June in the hospital and have spent the last couple of days
>trying to read through postings that I have missed. Do you want to know
>what I have gotten out of all of it? Anger!
>
>I must first say that this is not meant to be directed towards anyone.
>It is just my pain and frustrations reaching out. I apologize to anyone
>that this offends. But I have to get this out....
>
>Why am I angry? Because, first of all there seems to be so little
>compassion left on this board and secondly, because it makes me sooooo
>angry right now to hear people going for more surgery, the arguments
>about the doctors in Germany...and to be perfectly honest, the
>complaining about the problems that adhesions cause. (Please know that
>I am not saying that you shouldn't do this.....you need to, but I just
>have reached a point where I can't deal with it) My thoughts are "do
>something about it"! Educate yourself, make wise choices, but do
>something about it or keep quiet. And I don't mean that..but I feel it
>right now.
>
>I am in a very hopeless state right now. I don't want to hear about
>everyone's aches and pains, because right now I wish that was all I had
>to complain about. Yes, I am very depressed. There are NO answers for
>me. Once more my doctors are reaching out to send me to UCLA, but they
>pretty much know that it is just a shot in the dark. Something to try
>and give me hope. They also know that the end is not far. They are now
>seriously talking about kidney removal...as a measure to extend my life
>a little bit. But, they really don't know why I am having the serious
>problems that I am. I have been to Mayo, University of Wisconsin, Lahey
>Clinic in Boston, Johns Hopkins and the University of Chicago. None of
>them had answers. All of them say I am dying. While I haven't gone out
>to UCLA, I feel that they are just searching for answers because they
>can't accept their being unable to do anything. I don't know that I
>want to go! In fact, I know that I don't, but for my family, I will.
>
>I have been overweight since I gave birth to my daughter in
>1978....morbidly obese for the past ten years or so. But, since January
>I have lost close to 100 pounds doing nothing. I feel like I am wasting
>away and my doctors are also concerned. I still have about 30 pounds to
>go before I would be at average weight, but having lost 20 pounds during
>the last two weeks, I could reach that point in a month or so. Each day
>it is a fight to get out of bed, go to the hospital for treatments only
>to return home to bed again. I do get out, but I don't have energy for
>anything anymore. This past weekend of course was the fourth of July. A
>group that I used to belong to needed some help at the community
>celebration and I thought that having done it for years I could just
>fill in for a hour or two. After about ten minutes I realized that I
>couldn't. Couldn't do things that a few years ago were my life! That
>makes me ANGRY! I cried!
>
>This whole week has been nothing but crying. I feel time slipping. I
>am still mourning the loss of my grandson two years ago, but now the
>grief goes to losing my daughter, two granddaughters and grandson who
>truly are my life. I enjoy each minute that I spend with them and I
>can't imagine leaving them.
>
>Then I come here and read about people with pain and I want to reach out
>and help them. To welcome them, give them advise and pray that they
>make the right decisions. But I get angry, because its just pain. I
>wish that my life was just pain. When I think about the years when I
>complained about pain I yearn for them back.
>
>So, when I talk about my anger please know that I am not saying that you
>shouldn't come here and complain! Please do! It is your sounding board.
>Listen to each other and have compassion for one another, but most
>importantly educate each other. We all have busy lives, but please
>don't stop listening to those who suffer with you. Please don't say you
>don't have time for this group anymore, because you just might miss that
>one person who really needs to hear what you have to say. Please don't
>not participate because you don't like what has been said or how it is
>being said. Dig deep and become a bigger and better person and stay and
>help those who come to this group every day searching for answers.
>Remember that day when you went searching? You either couldn't find
>anything because it didn't exist at the time, or you lacked the
>knowledge that those do who join us each day. If you help one person in
>this group, it is all worth it. If you can help more, God Bless You!
>
>Ok, I have had my pity party. Please hear what I am saying!
>
>God Bless
>
>--
>Karla
Karla,
I do not post but I had to when I read your note. Please know that my
prayers are with you and your family.
Lynn
>
--
A new friend