Hi..it's Heidi Jo again. Regarding my doc visit on Mon.

From: Heidi Jo (hjjones@swbell.net)
Sat Apr 5 08:04:39 2003

Wow. You all have me in tears. First I would like to thank everyone who responded to me. Thank you so much. I never thought I would get a response like that. Okay. Here is what's going on. Friday, dispite all my pain, I went to my neuro dr. and asked for my medical records...who knows if they gave me everything, I doubt it, but I got most of it I think. Then I picked up my knee MRI from the diag office. Went to my attorneys office and picked up the police report that shows the accident I was in. It also has the old doctor I went to report in it and shows that I was taking Talacen narc. from two doctors. The car accident doctor has notes stating she discontinued the medication. What happened there was I was seeing a really shaddy physo dr for the death of my father. He was giving me Xanax, Paxil, Clonazpam, and Talacan. When I would go to his office he would ask me if I needed more meds and I would say yes and I would get refills. Then we would talk about his problems, his divorce, his adopted son, etc. He also wanted me to be his secretary. I figured if I said no then he wouldn't give me the meds anymore. He had me ADDICTED. Anyway, I went to see him for an appointment in Jan 02 and he had packed up his office and left town. Changed his number. Haven't heard from the SOB since. So there I was, in pain, confusion and no medication any longer. I checked myself into rehab and tried to get off of the meds. Got off of everything successfully except the Talacen narc. Or Talwin to other people. Went through serious withdrawl. Marriage problems occured then. My husband is also abusive. I know, way too much to believe but I swear this is all true. Why would I sit here in pain to make it all up? My husband kicked me and my daughter out of the house. He couldn't deal with my problems any longer. I stopped my therapy for the accident....big mistake....but had no way to get there. I was ashamed. I felt like a drug addict and my husband kicked me out of the house. My daughter and I stayed at a friends house for a roof over our heads. I had to change her school. I would go to several doctors for medication for my pain. They understood I was in serious pain but I just don't understand why giving me 30 vicodin would magically make the pain go away forever??? On Dec 28, 02 I was assaulted by my husband for THE LAST TIME. He was arrested and now the DA's office has charges on him. I went to the ER. They of course gave me more vicodin for the pain. Went to family doctor. She took xrays of my injuries. They found that I had an old fracture to my left clavical...car accident maybe? I really don't care where these injuries are from now...just get me out of the pain! She gave me Vicodin. My endo flared up and now I need surgery. Having surgery 4/10/03. I'm assuming more Vicodin? Ccan you tell I am so flippin tired of this??? I don't want to take Vicodin and rely of it. However, I don't want to be in pain. Why should I have to live in pain? My father is proof that some people can't handle it. I would NEVER do that to myself. To my children. But how do I live this kind of life? How do I get a doctor to believe that I am not out looking for more medication....I am out looking for a way to life a pain free life....are pretty damn close to one. I know some of you will read this and probably not get through the entire letter because it does sound too hard to believe. That is okay because not everyone can understand this. But I know that there is someone out there who can help me. Please come and find me....I am looking so hard for you!

I go to this new pain doctor on Monday afternoon. I need to first find child care for my daughter because I do not want ANY distractions. I have all my medical files from my Family Prac doc and my neurologist and my MRI and my xrays. Can I pick and choose what files to keep in there?? Because that pain doc that I was seeing that said if I didn't have a bone sticking out of my neck has notes in there that say I shouldn't be on any narc for pain. Oh, I also had a ortho doc tell me that since my collar bone hurts, just slip that seatbelt under your arm....you'll be okay. GIVE ME A FLIPPIN BREAK! Was I on candid camera or something crazy like that???

I just don't want to go in to this new pain doc and have him pick up a vibe from me like I am desperate....but "hello" I sort of am! I am desperate for someone to help me...someone to believe me.

To answer some of your questions. Yes I am on Zoloft 100mg at bedtime...does it help? No, I don't think so but getting off of it is HORRIFYING. I also take 5mg of Sonota...does it help? Yes, but I wake up every morning at 4am when it wears off and I can't get back to sleep. I also take Vicodin for the pain, however, that should stop any day now until I cut off my arm or fall down a cliff.

I need to see someone for depression. I need to see ONE doctor for the pain meds. I am willing to travel across the world to get this help. Pay any amount of money too. I just want my life back...is that so much to ask for?

Better go now.

Thank you all so much.

Heidi Jo


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