>----- Original Message -----
From: Hchalm@aol.com
Sent: Wednesday, May 01, 2002 9:23 AM
To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS
Subject: Re: Sorry, haven't been here
To my IAS Family:
Sorry I haven't been here, but when I am not feeling well, I feel I have nothing that I can offer anyone here when my pain is overtaking me mentally and physically. When I come back I feel quilty that I haven't been here for those that need help, but I just don't have the energy or strength to really give the attention and help to those that need it.
I myself don't want to just come to the board and complain about this darn pain, so I tend to stay away. For some reason the pain has been relentless and I can't remember the last time I was pain free hour (I just want an hour to feel normal to not have this crushing terrible pain in my side that just will not let up). After days and days of fighting the pain one just feels so drained, so helpless, so useless, that there's nothing left to give.
I was putting the dishes away the other night and there was a large knife lying on the counter and I couldn't help but look at it and think how easy it would be to just end all the pain in just a matter of seconds. Horrible thought, I know, and because of my children I wouldn't do it, but it seemed so easy and the thought of going on fighting this year after year after year is just too depressing. I almost wish that I could have surgery because then there would be some possibility of getting rid of this pain but because of the possibility of nerve damage or nerve entrapment I don't think that a surgeon would touch me or be able to help me with the pain.
See, this is why I haven't been here; nothing good to say; and of course the saying goes, if you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all....
Gosh, bet I put a smile on everyone's face with this one. Sorry gals, I didn't mean to be so down. Hey, wanna hold my hand?
I love all of you and do miss you.
Hell-yun Get more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com