You know it was overdoing it that got me that pain spell. Everytime I feel good, I do something I shouldn't. It's so hard not to. Anyway, the little white lamb got out (the other three are black with white patches). Nobody could get her in so I did. My husband was gone and I should have left her out for the night, but she would have been eaten by morning or more likely, she would have found her way back in, although they are soooo stupid, I don't know.
Anyway, I think that's what triggered all that agony, I stretched. It was hurting badly already so I didn't really realize how much I had hurt myself. But I think that its going to come and go, no matter, lambs or not. Sometimes I can feel them pulling and tightening and bearing down. My organs feel like they are at war with each other. During all of my surgeries they have found multiple adhesions with my organs attached in different ways to different organs pulling in different directions. So my liver was being pulled up and down and sideways at the same time. And my poor LITTLE bladder was bathed in adhesions pulling it everywhich way. I wish they hadn't cut into it, cause now its smaller than ever. My nickname is peanut bladder around here. And I like your flying carpet joke. It's cute.
I called my doctor and told him that I had to go off my pain meds schedule. I really need breakthrough pain meds for agony times. The rest of the time I can handle some pain, its just the times when I feel like death would be such a relief, a blessing in fact, that are scarey. That's when I should stay away from the board and not freak everyone out. I'm so sorry, I feel guilty, cause now I'm fine. Forgive me my fine friends for being so weak and pathetic. And the fact that sometimes I'm having "bad" thoughts does not give any of you permission to have those same bad thoughts. I worry about that afterwards.
Does my depression make it worse for all of you? I feel responsible for you
all now so you have to endure with me until we find a cure. Got that? Don't
I sound tough. I'm actually a softie, I cry at sad things and drive my
husband crazy, but then he's not real emotional. Well, good night and all my
love and don't worry, we'll all muddle through somehow. Love, Sally P.S.
Life sure is better when the pain is under control.
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