English Language
From: rowdyladyrose@aol.com
Sun Mar 10 08:22:06 2002
> > > Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
> > >
> > > 1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
> > >
> > > 2) The farm was used to produce produce.
> > >
> > > 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
> > >
> > > 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
> > >
> > > 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
> > >
> > > 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
> > >
> > > 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
> > > present the present.
> > >
> > > 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
> > >
> > > 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
> > >
> > > 10) I did not object to the object.
> > >
> > > 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
> > >
> > > 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
> > >
> > > 13) They were too close to the door to close it.
> > >
> > > 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
> > >
> > > 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
> > >
> > > 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
> > >
> > > 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
> > >
> > > 18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
> > >
> > > 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
> > >
> > > 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
> > >
> > > 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
> > >
> > > Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in
> > > eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
> > > English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
> > > Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are
meat.
> > >
> > > We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find
> > > that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea
> > > pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
> > >
> > > And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing; grocers
don't
> > > groce, and hammers don't ham?
> > >
> > > If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
> > > One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
> > >
> > > One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends,
> > > but not one amend.
> > >
> > > If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of
them,
> > > what do you call it?
> > >
> > > If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian
eats
> > > vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
> > >
> > > Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an
> > > asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at
a
> > > play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have
> > > noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat
> > > chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
> > >
> > > You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
> > > house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
> > > filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
> > >
> > > People, not computers, invented English; and it reflects the
creativity
> > > of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is
why,
> > > when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out,
> > > they are invisible.
> > >
> >
>
--
kcmo ro(se)
ICQ #131145100
If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it
poorly.