Re: The Difference between Addiction & Tolerance

From: Karla (ifirgit@new.rr.com)
Wed Nov 28 17:42:09 2001


Lin,

I experience much of what you are talking about with my family too. I have learned to just distance myself from them and not share too much in regards to my medical problems. Then, of course they get offended because I don't tell them when I am sick. You just can't win. Provide them with all the information you can regarding your illnesses. Then leave it up to them as to how they deal with it. But do not, I repeat do not continue to allow them to try intimidating and controlling you. You are a beautiful person and if they can't see that its their loss.

It has only been in the last couple of years that I realized that adhesions were behind all of my problems. When I told my mother she just laughs. She thinks its a joke. After all, she had adhesions and she doesn't have the problems I have. She isn't denying that I have problems...just doesn't believe it is adhesion related. I just don't discuss it with her. She also knows that if she pushes things I will start to avoid her. She is too lonely now so she will do whatever it takes to not upset me.

Did you ever get my first posting to you? Have you read my story on the quilt? If you haven't, please do. There are two Karla's on the quilt. I am Karla N. Anyway, you will learn that my surgical history is very lengthy and that I have severe problems. Most of what I have gone through I have gone through alone...with out the support of anyone. I would rather have it that way then having people pick at me all the time. But, after I had the cardiac and respiratory arrest and someone found out about it before my mother did she became quite upset and has made a point of being there for any additional surgeries. I don't like it, because she can be very annoying, but in ways it is ok because I don't have to be afraid of dying alone.

Jo has it right about putting a positive face on things. She is so right on and has a wonderful way of putting things down on paper. It is so healing for me to come to this list and try and help others. I know that I cannot be helped but it gives me a purpose which is something I need right now. If we keep ourselves occupied with things we enjoy doing our pain is less noticeable and easier to deal with. At least that is what I experienced.

Must close for now...if you ever need to talk let me know. I am more than willing to lend an ear.

--
Karla N.

>----- Original Message ----- From: "J&L VERMEY" <J.VERMEY@xtra.co.nz> To: "Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS" <adhesions@mail.medispecialty.com> Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2001 5:23 PM Subject: Re: The Difference between Addiction & Tolerance

> Dear Helen Dynda > > I was very pleased to read the information you provided on the subject of > addiction verses tolerance. > > My parents have all BUT accused me of being a "druggy" because I am taking > methadone (which I am slowly coming off from) and now Sevredol (Morphine > Sulphate) upon the suggestions of my GP. > > They're off the opinion that I am weak, and that I should just pull myself > together, that hardly anyone in our family has ever been sick. > > They refuse to believe that I have a bowel disease, let alone adhesions. > They say that it is my own fault that I became sick, that I haven't been > eating a suitable diet, etc, etc. > > I am so sick of their attitude, therefore I forwarded the information you > provided, to my parents, in the hope of reaching some kind of understanding. > Although I fear that I will never get it. > > I think they are disappointed in me because I am not 'PERFECT', like their > other two daughters. I feel like they are ashamed of me, as they have never > even told their closest friends about my health problems, nor do they ever > want me to discuss my health with anyone. > > My mother is always criticising me, because I wear 'sloppy clothing' (her > opinion) - she often gives me clothes - which I hate - for they are tight > and uncomfortable, and when she sees that I do not wear them, she tells me > off no end. I've tried to tell her that I am 31 years old, that I am married > and that I'm quite capable of choosing my own clothing - and that because I > suffer from chronic pain day in day out that I prefer to wear comfortable, > loose fitting clothes. > > I feel so much hurt and disappointment in my parents, why can't they just > support me? Why can't they accept that I need to eat a low fibre / low > residue diet? Why do they keep disagreeing with the advice my doctors give > me? When we are invited for dinner my mother never provides food suitable > for me to eat. > > Sometimes I think that I'd be better off if I had nothing more to do with my > parents, but on the other hand, I don't want to divorce them from my life, > as that has happened to my father and his family, his brothers haven't > spoken to him for over 26 years - all because of a stupid

misunderstanding, > and one of his brothers has not spoken to my grandparents for those same > amount of years - now my grandparents are dying (they are in their late > 80's) and no one knows where that brother lives, so they haven't even been > able to inform him of that fact! > > Hurt and disappointed, > > Lin (from NZ) >


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