Thanks for the crying advice, I may just do what you suggested about acquiring a whole lot of soggy Kleenex!
I spent another sleepless night lying awake, feeling the frustration building up, and the anxiety increasing. I don't know why, but at the moment I am keeping myself under very tight control, and yes, maybe I'm so busy trying to keep up the front of being optimistic and thinking in a positive way, rather than in my old negative way, that I am scared to let go, in case I revert to my old depressed and hopeless state.
But during the last couple of months I have learned a couple of things about myself, one of those things is that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was.
So, I've come to the decision that today I'm going to give myself some time to "let go of my strict control" and give in to my urge to cry, I need to get a few things out of my system.
Hopefully after that I will be able to sleep.
Besides, now that I'm getting more regular pain relief I am starting to be able to relax a bit better. Only now I realise that my jaw aches from having clenched my teeth together for the last 3 days, and the muscles in my neck and shoulders feel sore and stiff. I think that after lunch I will have a hot shower and see if it'll help me relax a bit better.
love, and hugs,
Lin