Re: Nothing Left To Do

From: Hchalm@aol.com
Sun Nov 25 22:42:31 2001


I was sitting here feeling depressed again; thinking perhaps I haven't done enough to help myself over the last year, thinking that I'm no better because I haven't done anything to help myself. I get so upset, start blaming it on myself, start crying, tell myself perhaps I should be doing more, having more tests, another surgery, etc. because my life isn't going anywhere, more depression, more crying.

Then I come to the board and I read, and although so many stories break my heart with all the pain, all the misery, with those that cannot find help - it saddens me so, and yes it is depressing, but nonetheless, I still will come as perhaps I can lend a helping hand to someone. I also read the stories of the ones that have had surgery and are no better than they were before the surgery, even worse, who are so torn up inside from surgery that their pain must be horrendous, and this once again makes me realize why I haven't done anything, because there is nothing left to do. There are no other options, this is it. This is my life and I must deal with it. That just makes me straighten my back and say well then I will do the best I can with the cards that have been dealt me, but I won't sit back and blame myself anymore because I can see from all those that are writing in that have had surgery, after surgery, after surgery, that this hasn't helped them at all. And I am really so sorry that it hasn't. I wish that it had. I do wish that you were better. I've realized, and it just keeps reassuring me, that there isn't anything else that I can do but stay under pain management and take each day as it comes and pray that someday there will be more offered in a way of getting better, but I will not subject myself to another surgery. only to have them come back in weeks, one month, or to be worse off than I am now.

Love all of you,

Hell-yun


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