I guess I don't think its a dangerous choice and my husband stands by me with it. For the most part I guess the only thing would be I would come out being the same as I am.. I already suffer with multiple other problems and so many of them are linked to the adhesions, and fibro and if I get those two controlled I really think my pain would at least diminish a little..Maybe its just a desperate choice. I just can't stand the thought of this year after year and getting worse year after year which is what is happening.. Everytime I go to the doctors about something, I wound up with another problem added to the list.. It insane to say the least...thanks again for caring Hugs Kimmi
> ----- Original Message -----
From: Jo Eslick
To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS
Sent: Sunday, November 25, 2001 12:42 AM
Subject: Kimmi - about living with pain
Kimmi,
I am concerned that you are thinking about oyur life in such narrow terms.... to feel that you have too much pain to put up with and that you can't be the mother you want to be.....really worries me! Surgery is such a serious step to take, and once it has been done, there is no going back. This is the way I try to explain it to anyone who talks about having surgery after surgery in search of a "release" from pain.
My advise on occassions like this is to look at what is good in your life, you mention your wonderful husband often, does he know you feel this way? Surely it must hurt him to know that you would rather risk your life, love & children for the sake of a slim hope of relief from pain......
I have many restrictions on my life because of my illness, but I choose to be thankful for what is right with my life and be grateful that things aren't worse. We can always find someone who is worse off than we are, but they perhaps may think that you are the one worse off ... because everyones life can only be trully measured by the person living it.
I am happy because I too have a wonderful husband who I love without reservation, I have four very independant and wonderful daughters, I have a comfortable home, good friends and family around me.
I know too the limits my body & pain put on how I involve myself in my world.... for example I am going to a BBQ this evening at a very dear friends place, that means that tomorrow I will have to rest in bed a little longer than usual ... BUT thats ok, because I will have the memory of good company & a fun time to store with all my other happy moments.
One of my hero's is Christopher Reeves.... this is a man who has a ventilator to breath! Who doesn't have the use of his arms & legs, who is still active because he has a wife he loves & children he adores. He doesn't sit back & say I can't do that.... he has hope, he sets goals and he finds a way around the obstacles that have been put in his way. Who are we to complain about pain, thinking that a dangerous operation is worth the risk, even though you could die & leave behind a shattered family who loved you?
Start a journal Kimmi, write down just three things a day that put a smile on your face, these will add up over time, and when you feel dispair hovering, read through your journal and discovour how rich and happy your life trully is.
I am sorry that your pain is hurting you so much, and I know that we are all entitled to a blue day every once in a while......but please I beg you, be careful of your decisions for more surgery.... you sound as though you have a wonderful family, don't set them adrift, hold them close and thank them for loving you no matter how you and your body are.
Love & warm gentle hugs Jo (Australia)
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