Re: Funnies

From: Millie (milliem@citlink.net)
Wed Oct 24 15:06:42 2001


OMG!!!!!!!!!!! I have actually seen some of these!! Too funny. Millie

>----- Original Message -----
From: rowdyladyrose@aol.com To: "Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS" <adhesions@mail.medispecialty.com> Sent: Tuesday, October 23, 2001 9:46 PM Subject: Funnies

> In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed
> through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
> consumer products:
>
> 1. On a blanket from Taiwan -
> NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
>
> 2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
> REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
>
> 3. On a Taiwanese shampoo -
> USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
>
> 4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink -
> AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
>
> 5. On a New Zealand insect spray -
> THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
>
> 6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
> TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO
> ROOM TEMPERATURE
>
> BEFORE OPENING.
> (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
>
> 7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids -
> LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED
> PORTION LIKE
> A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR
> APPROXIMATELY 5
> MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
>
> 8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
> OPEN OTHER END.
>
> 9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
> WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
>
> 10. On a Sears hairdryer -
> DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
>
> 11. On a bag of Fritos -
> YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
> (The shoplifter special!)
>
> 12. On a bar of Dial soap -
> DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
> (And that would be how?)
>
> 13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -
> DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
> (Too late! You lose!)
>
> 14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
> PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
> (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
>
> 15. On a Korean kitchen knife -
> WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
> (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
>
> 16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
> FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
> (As opposed to use in outer space?)
>
> 17. On a Japanese food processor -
> NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
> (Now I'm curious.)
>
> 18. On Sainsbury's peanuts -
> WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
> (Really? Peanuts contain nuts?)
>
> 19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts
> INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
> (I'm glad they cleared that up.)
>
> 20. On a Swedish chainsaw -
> DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
> (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
>
> 21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT
> DOES NOT
> ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
> (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
>
> 22. On some frozen dinners:
> SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.
>
> 23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
> FITS ONE HEAD.
>
> 24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
> DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
>
> 25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine:
> DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
>
> 26. On Nightly sleep aid:
> WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.
> (Duh!)
>
> --
> kcmo rose
> ICQ #131145100
>


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