I understand what you have said here, and wheat you are feeling. Crazy that the shame comes up isn't it, but it did for me too. When my pain came back not only did I feel I was letting all of you down, but all of my freinds and family too...everyone was so happy and relieved that I was doing better and I felt hope for treatment of adhesions was possible afterall. Then one day there was no question, the pain was not surgical/healing, it was gripping pulling adhesion pain. The first response from so many is denial(including your own), you want so badly to believe it's not true. Then if you say it out loud it makes it even more true.
It takes alot of courage to share what you did with us and we would want to know what's really happening because we care for you. I hope that you will lean on us as you need to.