Hi, so you're Lucky Lady. Somehow, you don't seem so lucky right now, it sounds like you need help, what with pain, kids, and a husband who's unsympathetic. When you wrote that you had already written letters to your kids in case you decided to leave life early, you really scared me. I do not want you to do this. Do you know that I see a counselor. Maybe, your new insurance plan
would pay. It's doesn't mean you are crazy or bad or anything negative, it just means that life has dealt you a bad hand right now and you need to talk about it. I get a great deal of relief from my counselor. I had to try a few to find the right one, (one of the first ones thought it would be a good idea to move the cows and bull to someone else's pasture, so I wouldn't have to
worry about them. Have you ever tried to move a bull who has never been in a truck. Well, I have, and if she thought I had worries before, that would have been one nightmare I'd give anything to miss) and sometimes, I think counseling is a waste of time and money, but overall she's helped me gain perspective on how to live with pain and how to deal with the people in your family who
sometimes hurt you worse than they know. Life is not easy under the best of circumstances and we all need help. You know that. I need help too. I'm not afraid to admit it. Even though I've done so much and have a long resume, own an Inn, blah, blah, blah, at this stage in my life I'm weakened by my body and my mind reacts with all kinds of craziness. A counselor can help you cope,
even if you can't change the facts, you can try to change how you deal with them. Please don't take offense. We are not superwomen. we are just humans trying to do our best. Love and prayers to you, Sally