Off-beat humor for Colete :)

From: Lgapmon@aol.com
Tue Jun 19 11:24:03 2001


OK, Colette, here ya go...some humor to get your mind off your troubles.

DELETE now if you are easily offended...this is meant to be tongue-in-cheek only and not to offend anyone. It is definitely off-beat but I got a kick out of it. I have NO idea who wrote it.

Print it out and take it into the bathroom with you so you have something to read in there. And then if you don't like it, you can "recycle" it. (Charmin is softer oh well) <VBG>

Feel better soon Colette honey, we love you!!!

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

JERRY FALWELL

Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

PAT BUCHANAN

To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

DR. SEUSS

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX

It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN

What chicken?

KEN STARR

I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES

I have just released eChicken 99, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook; also Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

LOUIS FARRAKHAN

The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE

And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS

I missed one?

Love,

Lynda M. in AZ

"Give me beauty in the inward soul; may the outward and the inward man be at one." - Socrates


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