ADHESIONS Messages for May, 2001: Men Speak Out ( husbands share about being a caregiver ) [2/2]

Men Speak Out ( husbands share about being a caregiver ) [2/2]

From: Helen Dynda (olddad66@runestone.net)
Fri May 11 01:11:53 2001

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Joel: I appreciate things she does for me/us even more, knowing that it’s harder for her than for a healthy person. Her condition keeps us dependent on God and our faith in Him. Things we consider top priorities. Her illness has opened a door for her career, and the personal satisfaction of working towards a goal and accomplishment has enriched both of us.   If you have a faith, explain how it makes a difference in coping with the difficulties of a family member having an illness. Joel:  The Bible assures us that God has our best interests in mind as his goal. We cling to Him in faith of that belief and pray for whatever healing or relief He would will to give. Ken:  God is my refuge when it seems too much to bear. He is my source of patience when I can’t muster anymore on my own. Tim:  I have never been very religious in the past, but I do take every opportunity to say as many prayers during the day for my wife, children and myself. Bud:  I do not believe it would be possible for me to cope without faith in God and his goodness. I know that as good as life is on earth we have a better promise of a life with God and His family. Robert:  Faith gives you the hope that each day will be a little better. Rex: Our faith helps us keep perspective on what we consider temporal, namely, life as we experience it in this earthly shell. We see this life as terminal, so we don't place our hopes in things that may keep these bodies going a few more miles. We keep our hope in God, the Creator and Sustainer of this life, and in what we believe He says about the unseen, eternal things to come. David: Jesus is not in heaven whining about how his bride does not meet his needs. He loves without whining and without regards to the health of his bride. If I am to "love my wife as Christ loved the Church" then I must not whine about my wife--in her illness--not meeting my needs. That is not Christian manhood. The struggles of marriage help me through grace to grow in His image. That is why a marriage with a sick wife can be a blessing. God can use my trials to remold me, so that I become less self indulgent and someday I might truthfully say, through the grace of God, that it is "no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me."   If you were to counsel a man whose wife had just been\diagnosed with a chronic illness what would you tell him? Ken:  Don’t let your wife feel sorry for herself. Let her know how valued she is for who she is, not for what she can do and not do. Discover an appropriate mechanism for venting your frustration and be patient with her even when you don’t understand what is wrong. Tim:  Take the time to listen. Tell her how much she means to you, and that you will be there to support her. Remember the "in sickness and in health" promise. She would stick by you if you were the one with an agonizing illness. Bud:  I would advise him to maintain the relationship on strengths such as what it teaches you about yourself and others. It is easy if you love the person that is ill. You can always see love demonstrated in a variety of ways. Robert: I would tell him that none of us have any guarantees about anything. But if you have faith in God, He will help you. Also, pick up any and all information regarding the illness. Really educate yourself. Having a better understanding of the illness is so important. Rex: Find support immediately. Not all support groups per se can accomplish what you want. You must have a place to vent outside of your relationship with your wife. I found mine primarily in a weekly group with two other men, who were healthy enough to help bear the grief I carried for several months. They played a major role of encouragement for me and my wife. Joel:  Understand that he can’t "fix it." I would explain that there is a grieving process because there is a "loss." I would suggest counseling if things are getting too difficult. Pray and get into a good, supportive church. Explore resources on the net and otherwise. Get his wife a subscription of <A href="http://www.restministries.org/pro-newsletter.htm">...And He Will Give You Rest. </A>Encourage his wife to do personal research about her illness and to try to meet others in the same situation. Don’t settle when it comes to doctors—be tenacious and find the best, a doctor who will listen, even if it requires going to several to find the right one.</DIV></BODY></HTML>

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