It was kind of you to clarify things. It might be best in the future to
just contact the person off list, in person, in a kind and gentle manner
asking first, if it is okay that you contacted her and second, ask if she
would like to discuss her concerns or experience because you do care about
her as a person and if she had an upsetting experience you want to see that
it is avoided in the future...by her or by other prospective clients.
Maybe listen to what she has to say. Apologize on behalf of the office.
But definitely not become defensive, abusive, or threatening. Anyway, the
folks here discuss personal private matters in detail. They share their
hopes, dreams, feelings, experiences, and just let it all out. Just like
friends do because they are friends. They discuss experiences they have
seeking treatment as well as what they feel about those experiences.
Feelings are not right or wrong....they just are. That's why we have
friends to help us by listening to us. It is a bit of a shocker to have a
doctor suddenly flutter down during someone's moment of sharing...it's not
the first time either and it's not the first time someone has felt gagged by
it ...as the "final word" popped out of nowhere...authoritative and
opinionated although this is a disservice. Anyway if you just want to
watch us, observe us, listen to us, then please, when someone is feeling
passionately, and expressing those feelings, regardless of who they are
feeling them toward(a particular hospital, pain clinic, doctor, surgeon,
etc), please...allow them to seek support and get it out of their system.
We are not here to judge each other. We are here to accept them
unconditionally. We are not presenting ourselves here as perfect
individuals either. We are intelligent. We know how to make decisions and
educated ones at that. We are not going to be swayed by one opinion stated
one time. That's not even the point. The point was she was feeling pretty
miserable. She needed us. She needed support, kindness, her friends. If
you are going to participate it would be nice if you could do it in a kind,
gentle, non judgmental, supportive manner. You don't have to agree with the
person, just be their friend. She wasn't confronting you on the board only
expressing her feelings just as many others before her have. Folks here
need to feel the freedom to speak safely and openly without fear of
judgement, embarrassment, or feeling as though they are being watched over.
We have families too. We have little children who don't understand why
mommy or daddy can't play anymore. They don't understand that it takes
money to fix their parent, even if that parent's problem was the direct
result of a doctor's err. So folks whose lives suffer limitations due to
ARD can become frustrated when they realize the one thing that may stand
between pain free living, an ease in pain, or getting something of a life
back, is money...it can be very frustrating and difficult to deal with. I
can understand you'd like to understand where we are coming from. This
isn't science though. We are not lab mice. We are folks. Real Folks. .
Being observed can be uncomfortable for some. If you had a support group of
surgeons who share their thoughts, feelings, failure, shortcomings, opinions
of patients, other doctors, etc. in an open, honest, point blank, blunt
manner, would you want to be observed? If you want to help us and help
others with ARD, why don't you ask us how you can help us? Ask us what our
opinions are. Ask us what we think. Why don't you brainstorm ways to get
the surgery affordable, better insurance coverage, help set up a fund for
those without resources, solicit donations, etc...all of those would help.
But if you ask us how you can help us, be prepared to hear the truth but
please reserve excuses and judgements...and for heaven's sake don't take
things personally if you are just peering in at us...