-----Original Message----- From: adhesions@adhesions.org [mailto:adhesions@adhesions.org]On Behalf Of Mary Wade Sent: 03 March 2001 21:37 To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS Subject: Re: Uploading Photos to Quilt
-----Original Message----- From: Millie [SMTP:milliem@citlink.net] Sent: Saturday, March 03, 2001 3:10 PM To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS Subject: Re: Uploading Photos to Quilt
Dear Mary, Yes, every bit of what you say makes sense to me. I went to that ob/gyn yesterday. I told her I've been worse since the surgery. I asked her if she could have some tests run, such as a CAT scan, or as much as I hate them,those barium tests, as I have steady pain, and uno urge to go. I told her the last decent bm I had was around Feb.3. SHe insisted I look much better since the surgery. I told her looks are very deceiving. I asked her whow the pathology looked, and she said it only showed a few tiny fibroids. She now says I had moderate adhesions. I didn't get mad at her, but I had a list of questions that I needed answered. I asked her if she ever heard tell of adhesiolysis. She said that was an old treatment. Was it?
It's been done...I guess for ages. Mostly unsuccessfully. That's why docs run from it. They want to "do no harm" as they are bound by oath to do. Those of us who have gone to PA have gone there because the surgeons there use techniques that have been practiced and finely honed, compared to the average adhesiolysis. They do it differently than most. So the techniques are new...adhesiolysis isn't
I thought it may be fairly new. She said it doesn't work for everyone. She said I could try it. Now she says I should try pain management. I said I would.
I went for pain management and found it to be helpful. I had a really nice doc and I worked hard to implement those things that he taught me. This sounds like a very reasonable next step to me. I know that others on the board have not been so thrilled by the pain docs, but I had a good experience.
She said she removed all of it because I cried that I had a lot of pelvic pain. I told her I have much more pain since the TAH. She still insists I look much better since. I may as well talk to the wall. I get such pains behind the navel, and it's harder to pass gas.
Pain doctors are MD's. If they have any suspicions that you have a problem that threatens your long-term health/life, that doc will refer you for tests. Tell the pain doc all the gut details. The docs need all the information.
Mary, I'm so scared that I don't know what to do. I did sign up for pain management. I didn't tell her I met Dr. Redan.
Millie....I know that it's been tough with this doc....but it's in your best interest to put everything out there on the table for all the docs to see. Had she known that you were so desperate that you struck out on your own to find someone, that would have perhaps sent a message that your words don't with her. How would you feel about writing down your history and concerns to send to the pain doc? Something about sitting down by yourself at a keyboard....is much less threatening than the one-to-one convo with the doctor. Even if you don't send it, it solidifies in your mind what the important parts are. It keeps you focused and truthful. It's a good "mirror" to look at yourself and to double check yourself. It helps you set goals as you go to the pain clinic. Difficult when you feel so badly, though.
But when I mentioned adhesiolysis, she said I could try it, but it doesn't work for everyone. As far as the grief cycle I am somewhere between denial and anger, but with a hair of acceptance thrown in.
Denial! That's MY personal favorite stage! It does help me to keep those stages in mind...so that I can compare my behaviors to them and try to work to not get "stuck." Does it work if I say, "I am at the stage of accepting that I live in the stage of denial?" I do feel so much better...it's just hard to acknowledge that I'm not 100% better. Soon...maybe this week, I am going to physical therapy to try to get myself more mobile. It's just tricky to do it without feeling worse.
I saved and even printed up that paper you are talking about. My husband went in with me, but didn't say a word. Thanks for answering me. I am still waiting for my medical records to be copied and released to me. Millie
>----- Original Message -----
From: "Karla" <ifirgit@new.rr.com>
To: "Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS"
<adhesions@mail.medispecialty.com>
Sent: Saturday, March 03, 2001 9:31 AM
Subject: Re: Uploading Photos to Quilt
> Millie,
>
> I totally agree with Mary and I guess I am guilty of not explaining
myself
> more clearly. When we go into the doctor's office ready to do battle we
> will often times come out empty handed if it is not handled correctly.
>
> We cannot go in with all our weapons drawn so to speak. What I try and
do
> now...and it has taken me a long time to get to where I can even question
> the doctor...is sit and hear what he has to say. When it appears that he
is
> going to do nothing...or is going to do something we don't like...that is
> when I start asking questions. We can't enter their offices already on
the
> attack because they will automatically put up every wall possible. Once
> they have done what they are going to do I start asking my own questions
and
> making my own demands....but I don't come across as being demanding
because
> I don't do it in an attacking fashion. When I last dealt with not
getting
> the appropriate pain medicine I told them that the medicine was just not
> working....I heard what they had to say...then I told them very nicely
that
> I was aware of patient's rights and my right to receive adequate pain
> relief. That has worked every single time. But as Mary has stated, I
think
> it only works because I am not attacking the doctor.
>
> Karla
>> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Mary Wade" <acbcsrt@kansas.net>
> To: "Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS"
> <adhesions@mail.medispecialty.com>
> Sent: Saturday, March 03, 2001 7:51 AM
> Subject: RE: Uploading Photos to Quilt
>
> > Dear Millie, First I want to apologize for not getting back to you
before
> > you went to the doctor. I am usually gone for part of each work week
and
> > do not get on the computer to answer emails.
> >
> > I don't know that I have much to add at this point to that
> "Coulda/Shoulda"
> > paper that I sent you earlier. I wrote most of what I know as
"workable"
> > in that paper. I'd love for others to edit it and add suggestions to
that
> > piece. I was going to attach it now but see that I don't have it on
this
> > computer. Ask if you want it. It's in the archives somewhere, too.
> >
> > Often, I don't think it's so much WHAT we say....as what our body
language
> > is saying to them. In my work as an audiologist in an medical office,
I
> > see patients all day long. Over the years, we learn to "read" all the
> > unspoken messages as well as the spoken ones. Someone comes in ready
to
> > beat me over the head? Do I pick up on that immediately? You bet.
What
> > is the normal human reaction to that? Defensive position.
> >
> > If you want your health care provider to HELP you....don't put them in
> that
> > defensive position because immediately you are off to a bad start.
They
> > are highly trained, yes....but they are HUMAN. And so are we patients.
> > Part of the human condition is one of "no guarantees" except that of
> > eventual physical death. My life was not given with a "pain-free
> > guarantee" stamped on my butt. The Serenity Prayer....which I can't
> > quote....(maybe someone else can post it)....is a good summary of the
> > attitude I have had to hang on to over the years.
> >
> > Now comes the hard part. The first step is figure out what to do with
> your
> > animosity. If you need to talk to a professional counselor-type to
work
> > through some of this, just go do it. Can't hurt....might help. The
> mental
> > stress of keeping that going does not help with the pain....it only
makes
> > it worse. I am not smart at telling other people how to do this. I
just
> > know that we have to realize that when we experience a tragic loss of
any
> > kind...that we will go through a grief cycle. The stages of that cycle
> > are: 1) denial, 2) anger, 3) bargaining, 4) acceptance. The acceptance
> > stage frees us up to get on with our lives, but we have to deal with
each
> > of those other steps first. And just because we get to the acceptance
> > level at one point in time....doesnt' mean that we don't have to trek
back
> > through that cycle at a later date.
> >
> > In the sorts of encounters that we chronic-pain ppl have with doctors,
we
> > have to know going into the consultation that we do with our egos...and
> how
> > the docs handle their egos....makes a big difference in how much
progress
> > will be made. You get two egos battling and the stuff for which you
are
> > seeking attention ends up on the floor. And by "ego," I am not using
the
> > word as it's commonly used. By "ego" I mean the absolute unwillingness
to
> > let go of the "me-me-me-ness" for a bit....to just sit there and try to
> > "be" that other person. It's not so hard to do this. Practice at home
> > with your family. When/if we can drop the ego-dance in our trickiest
of
> > our human interactions, it's amazing how open, honest, and caring the
> other
> > person can be. We have to be willing to REALLY hear what our docs are
> > saying. When a doc says, "I can't help you now.".....that means, "I
don't
> > have anything to offer you right now." We may not LIKE that idea...but
> the
> > doc is telling the truth as he/she knows it. If that is what the doc
> says,
> > then the ONLY course of action with that doc is to ask, "Where can you
> send
> > me to get me some help. Give me your very best advice and what you see
as
> > the options." (Just curious...what did your ob/gyn say about you going
to
> > see Dr. Redan?) I always like to throw in....while looking deeply into
> > their eyes, "Let's say that I am your most beloved
> > mother/daugher/sister/wife.....what now do you advise?"
> >
> > Does any of this make any sense? It's very difficult to describe in
words
> > "what works for me" when talking about attitude. Please keep in mind
this
> > is my style.....others here have other styles of communication that
work
> > well also. I can only speak to what I know....or as my friend says, "I
> can
> > do no better than to walk in the light that I have." (Did THAT just
sound
> > like a disclaimer??? LOL at me!) OK...outta here...
> >
> > In friendship, Mary
> >
> > Original Message-----
> > From: Millie [SMTP:milliem@citlink.net]
> > Sent: Thursday, March 01, 2001 2:40 PM
> > To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS
> > Subject: Re: Uploading Photos to Quilt
> >
> > Dear Mary,
> > How are you? I have an extremely important question for you. Tomorrow I
go
> > back to that ob/gyn who did my TAH and cut adhesions. How shold I talk
to
> > her? I feel I have a lot of questions that I want answered, some of
which
> > she won't like, I'm sure.
> > Mary, How do I get her to take me seriously about the bowel problems
and
> > the
> > pain? Also, How do I let her know how miserable I am, and how serious I
am
> > about these issues? I'm no better after a month.
> > Thanks so much for your help.
> > Millie
>> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: "Mary Wade" <acbcsrt@kansas.net>
> > To: "Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS"
> > <adhesions@mail.medispecialty.com>
> > Sent: Wednesday, February 28, 2001 11:07 PM
> > Subject: Re: Uploading Photos to Quilt
> >
> > > OK...stupid question here. If we all have photos on the quilt, when
we
> > > click on the master list of the quilt, will it take forever to load?
Or
> > > just slower loading when we click on an individual name? I was
thinking
> > > that if the whole quilt loads much slower because of the pictures, it
> > might
> > > be discouraging for someone just breezing through. BUT, I DO want to
> see
> > > all your darlin mugs....so I might be just fine with letting the ppl
> > > breezing through be discouraged at slow loading times :))))) I just
> > clicked
> > > on Kathy Lindley's quilt block..and it is really striking to see the
> face
> > > behind the words. Seems....different somehow. Hits me harder. Cold
in
> > > Kansas, Mary
> > >
> > > At 09:54 PM 2/28/01 -0600, you wrote:
> > > >I just tried to upload my Photo and it didn't work!
> > > >I am very well acquainted with doing this and I tried 2 different
> > > >formats and it rejected both.
> > > >I sent an email to the administrator asking why.
> > > >I will let you know.
> > > >JEAN (from PA)
> > > >
> > > >--
> > > >Jean (from PA)
> > > >
> > > > to the unsubscribe form at
> http://www.adhesions.org/forums/listcmds.htm
> > > >
> > >
> > > to the unsubscribe form at
http://www.adhesions.org/forums/listcmds.htm
> >
http://www.adhesions.org/forums/listcmds.htm
> >
http://www.adhesions.org/forums/listcmds.htm
>