You have said it all so well and actually brought up something that I have tried so desperately to shut into the back of my mind. There was a period where I was just having one surgery after another....where I was actually accused of doing something to myself to cause the problems. They call it Meunchausen's Syndrome (sp?). They asked me if I would like to see someone to help me deal with all of the emotional things I was going through and I immediately agreed. I sat and spoke to this woman for less than 10 minutes and one of the questions she asked me was "did I ever do anything to my wounds?" Well my response to her was..."yes, I scratch them when they itch...I try not to...but they itch so bad." When I was discharged to a home health care agency one of my diagnoses was "Meunchausen's". I was so angry....I refused to go back to see the doctor even for post-op care until another emergency popped up. It turns out that when Bev and I were putting my records together I found a pathology report that was for a "suspected foreign object"....well actually there was two of them...at two different times....the first one was explained by the pathologist as some type of tissue that had become grossly infected...and not by any foreign means...and the second one stated that no foreign object was found.
This horrendous disease has so grossly destroyed my entire life....as well as that of my family...all I could ever say to them is "why in the hell would I even begin to want to do this to myself". Since that time I have always openly admitted to any doctors that this has occurred. I have undergone psychological evaluation and have been told that in no way to I have this syndrome. But the anger towards these doctors remains and I try just to shove it to where I don't have to think about it.
It really does take a lot of you to sit down and right your story...I started from scratch and then was so torn apart by it all that I started cutting and pasting from the quilt...I see that I made some repetitions...please forgive me. But the worst part is when I hit the send button my computer froze and I lost everything. God was with me when I found it in my in box!
Love ya!
Karla
>----- Original Message -----
From: Helen Dynda <olddad66@runestone.net>
To: Multiple recipients of list ADHESIONS <adhesions@forum.obgyn.net>
Sent: Monday, May 08, 2000 2:32 PM
Subject: Re: My story...memories which you, Karla, have had to endure
> Dear Karla,
>
> As you so carefully typed out your story, I am sure that it had to be
> very painful to relive all of the memories which you have about:
>
> * the pain and embarrassment which you have had to endure throughout
> those years,
>
> * the many invasive, unpleasant and painful medical tests which you have
> had to endure,
>
> * the many experiences you have had with so many medical professionals,
> who did not believe you when you told them that you were in pain and t
>
> * the many doctors who did not acknowledge the reality - that adhesions
> do cause pain,
>
> * the far tooooo many surgeries which you have endured, which caused you
> so much pain and which distanced you from your family and friends,
>
> * the doctors, friends, and even relatives who did not believe that you
> were in pain and as a result failed to show you compassion and
> friendship,
>
> * the days, the months which you have been patiently waiting to hear
> when your surgery in Chicago will be scheduled...the surgery which could
> give you a much better
> quality of life,
>
> * your inability to continue working and then losing the job which you
> enjoyed,
>
> * your longing to be able to hold your 2 beautiful granddaughters
>
> * on and on other losses and heartaches could be listed, I am sure.
>
> Karla, just by taking the time to fit the many complicated pieces of
> your medical history together, will be helpful for you. There is
> therapeutic value to writing down painful memories...writing painful
> memories down on paper transfers those painful memories to the written
> page and, as a result, helps to make more room for you to store pleasant
> memories in your memory bank, your brain.
>
> With patience your long-awaited appointment for surgery in Chicago will
> be a reality. There is HOPE! Keep this HOPE alive!!
>